The Dragon Around the Corner

I had an interesting experience when visiting a church on Sunday. Whilst in prayer, I felt I had been given a word... a phrase to be precise.

I heard the words "courage in the quiet places"... and to be honest they've stuck in my head because on the face of it, they form a fairly random sentence and it's hard to discern what it actually means.

So I've been praying about it over the course of the past couple of days.

Eventually out of curiosity I resorted to Googling the phrase. I was taken (courtesy of the top result... and there weren't many), to a link to a 1995 sermon which intrigued me as it referenced a quote from The Hobbit:

Wisps of vapour floated up and past him, and he began to sweat.  A sound, too, began to throb in his ears, a sort of bubbling like the noise of a large pot galloping on the fire, mixed with a rumble as of a gigantic tom-cat purring.  This grew to the unmistakable gurgling noise of some vast animal snoring in its sleep down there in the red glow in front of him.

It was at this point that Bilbo stopped.  Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did.  The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it.  He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.

The dragon Smaug from Tolkien's The Hobbit

The quoting of the passage really resonated with me... and perhaps to a lesser extent the rest of the sermon did too. For whatever reason, I certainly felt invigorated in facing some of my contemporary personal struggles... as the bible quite rightly says:

"A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!"

Proverbs 15:23

How good a timely word is indeed.

The reason The Hobbit quote ties in so well with me, is that I am often very much like a little hobbit stuck in a tunnel... hearing the faint rumbles of dragon breath  and watching the walls shimmering with eerie, ethereal glows from as yet unperceived creatures in the adjoining caverns that surround me.  I could choose to face any one of those dragons but have a reluctance to do so be it out of fear or uncertainty about whether it is the right battle to fight.

I felt quite inspired by my experience. I get the sense that I am being told there is a dragon around the corner; that it's one that I'm going to have to fight... and that I'm being invisibly prepared for it before I even  come to face it. Perhaps it is rather portentous that the chapter the quote is taken from is ominously called "Inside Information". Although this interpretation is by no means certain and I'm thinking and praying it through whilst open to suggestion; I am quite reluctant to share this directly with some of the people I'm closest to... because I have concerns that they will put their own spin on it... based on what they think is best for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt they have the best of intentions... but sometimes the apparent best of intentions are not God's intention... and as I type these words, I am recalling a certain scene from the film, Kingdom of Heaven:

A king may move a man. A father may claim a son. That man may also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember howsoever you are played... or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone. Even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power, when you stand before God you cannot say "But I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time", this will not suffice. Remember that.

I intend to remember that.

Lately I have been feeling more and more forthright and confident in my opinions. While sounding out some of my friends and colleagues over the issues tied to my previous post, I found that one of my closest friends disagreed with me. At the time I got quite flustered about the gulf of difference between our opinions; then I recalled my words about the film Cool Runnings in a previous post... and I reminded myself that his walk is not my walk and his perception of my journey comes from his position on the road which he is standing, on his.

If I look Nick Payne, walk Nick Payne, talk Nick Payne and AM Nick Payne... I sure as heck better live Nick Payne.

The same applies to all of us. How can we be true to God if we can't even be true to ourselves (and vice versa).

So as we hesitate in our own subterranean labyrinth, steeling ourselves for what lies ahead... we find this one truth at work: 

Dragons may come, treasure may await... but whatever we face - be it adversity or ecstasy.,we must do so in our own inimitable God given fashion... with the weapons and gifts he has blessed us with and in the manner he has prepared us.

Watching the Walls

I've been giving some thought lately to how we prevent the things we value about ourselves being exploited by outsiders... and how we protect ourselves from emotional intrusion or even invasion. This has arisen due to my feeling snooped upon in certain quarters.

Throughout my childhood, for whatever reason, I never really let anyone get too close to me... back then, friends were just people to play with who I cared about and I had no reason or perceivable need to open up on a deep and meaningful level to other people. I built a wall around the city of my heart that protected it from getting too badly damaged. The only people who were allowed in were pretty much myself and God.

However as I grew older I learned how isolated, adopting this position can leave you. A lot of the time when people look at you and cannot perceive anything beyond your walls... they tend to allow their limited experience of your interactions at face value... to be their definition of who you are; or worse, they project upon your walls an image of what they want you to be... something that me be as far removed about the truth of who you are is, as you can possibly imagine.

In short people in their fallibility do not often look for the man behind the curtain, nor understand who he really is if they should stumble upon him. People tend to get very comfortable with their own ideas of who a man is... we do like to keep people nicely filed away in categories... don't we?

Walls are okay... just so long as you don't forget to add a doorway and maybe the odd window here and there, shedding access and light into your heart... and of course as long as you don't remain hidden permanently away behind them.

I believe when you let someone into your heart (be it as an acquaintance, a friend or on a deeper level), you do so on your own terms and that anyone who can't respect that notion, should not be trusted. If someone goes looking through all your windows and scurrying up and down your walls seeking access into your life too deeply... then there is a disingenuous vein running through their actions. When someone doesn't try to get to know you casually in a direct manner, but instead  goes rifling through the elements of your life in depth first, it would appear that they are less interested in who you are... and more interested in what you can give them or what they can take out of you.

It is deeply disrespectful.

I was giving some thought to this with regard to my own beliefs as well:

“Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber.  The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.  The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.  When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.  But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”  Jesus used this figure of speech, but the Pharisees did not understand what he was telling them.

Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them.  I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

John 10:1-6 

Isn't it interesting that Jesus uses similar terminology when describing the Kingdom of Heaven? I think God feels the same way about the Kingdom as we do about our own lives. This line of thinking has given me extra insight into Jesus other words:

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 14:6

People are often quick to use that verse as an exclusive statement... but I wonder how it would change our beliefs... if we who consider ourselves included would take a fresh look at this passage and the motives behind our beliefs.

Why do believe what we believe? What matters most to us as an end result of what we believe?  If our motivation for worship is simply to gain access to the Kingdom and life eternal... then could it not be argued that in fact, we are merely scurrying across the walls having glimpsed through the window of the Gospel message?

If someone married a person merely to get access to a substantial dowry or decided to try and enter into a relationship with someone merely to get affirmation about their own self worth... that would be an abuse. It would not be treating our neighbour as our self. It would just be selfish gratification.

Similarly if our primary aim in being a Christian remains rooted to what we get at the end of the journey, our walk is an idolatrous one... and we are not loving God.  I'm not condemning people whose journey starts out at that point. I think that can be understandable. I am saying that as we grow as Christians and become spiritually mature, we need to develop a proper relationship with God... one not based on what we have and can receive... but one based on who he is... and what that means to us.

In Ezekiel 16 God speaks of his relationship with Jerusalem... at how he first saves "her" from those that despised her and would not care for her... and yet later returns when she is full grown, to claim her in marriage. I think God totally accepts the places we start out from with him... but desires us to grow into individuals who are fully involved with him in their lives.

Back to my main point though. We cannot treat God or other people with disrespect... we cannot see them as a means to an end. 

Nor should we try and force ourselves upon others emotionally, psychologically, physically or spiritually. Jesus gave us the model for how we should approach people on a personal level:

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Revelation 3:20

When God first enters our life, he respects us enough to wait at the front door. Of course, he already knows us intimately... because he created us and is omniscient.... however, isn't it comforting and reassuring that he never once abuses that knowledge to deceive us into choosing a relationship with him. He respects our free will and our individuality and values it perhaps more than we do at times.

So in conclusion, we must be careful to respect people's red lines. Walls exist for  a reason. We mustn't try and gain a foothold where we know it is inappropriate to do so. I know that when I have discovered someone trying to get close to me without my consent, it has made me immensely uncomfortable and distrustful. I watch my walls.

However when it comes to God and those who do not try and push themselves upon us, we must also remember to watch our doors too.

Mirrored Resolutions

"If if you're gonna prove to them that you're world class bobsledders, then you'd better look like world class bobsledders!"

Coach Irv Blitzer - Cool Runnings

We are more than a few days into our mutual voyage of discovery that is 2011. The shores of the past year are now just a line on the horizon... and as I look forward to the times to come, I find myself reflecting on a few resolutions I have made (yes I eventually came up with a few).

I took a long hard look in the mirror and came to the conclusion that whatever I am... I need to straighten a few things out. There are areas of my life where I don't take myself seriously enough; there are also other areas where the reverse is true - the charge could be made that I take myself far too seriously.

At work, in the past... I have normally just worn a smart shirt and pair of trousers. I have been content to be seen as a cog in the machine and to allow people (if they have so wished), to project that image onto me. I had an epiphany (now that's good ecclesiastical timing), and decided to raise my game somewhat. I dashed out in the week and got my self a couple of washable suits... and from now on I'm going to wear a full suit to work. I hope the message is clear.  After several casual inquiries as to whether or not I had a job interview and the odd humorous remark, it should be becoming apparent that the suits are here to stay.

I am not making a statement about my working conditions... I am making a statement about myself. I am saying that from this moment on... in the sight of others.... I am treating myself with self respect.  This is not about vanity and as much as it is about making a point to others... it's about making a point to myself. Nobody suggested I should do this, nobody pressured me or suggested it would benefit me to do this. I felt in my heart it was the right thing to do... and have gone with it. In the Isaac Asimov book Bi-Centennial Man, the (then) robot protagonist - Andrew, begins his pursuit of individual freedom from a place of servitude...and does so by choosing to wear clothes.

I quoted the film "Cool Runnings" for a very good reason... in order to be accepted as athletes, the Jamaican bobsled team couldn't take to the tracks wearing civvies... they needed to look the part. Yet, near the climax of the film they understand something of equal importance: looking the part and being equal in appearance is merely the start of the journey... it is not the end of the journey. They try emulating their rivals warm up routines... but this ends in embarrassment and only furthers the ridicule they receive from the other teams. The truth they realised is that looking the part and stepping up to the plate does not mean that you close the door on who you are as a person. They take to the track one more time and warm up using a routine that reflects their own culture.  Their efforts are rewarded when they race down the track and set a blistering time.

The biblical David was exactly the same. When he faced off against Goliath, he rejected all efforts to kit him out in regular (and ill fitting) armour. Instead he marched out with a sling and five smooth stones... and the armour of knowing his life and his destiny were in the hands of his God.

And as we know the story so well... the rest as they say, is history.

The Goliaths of our  day are not always so literal... nor are they always an external adversary. Low self esteem, doubt, fear... all of these could easily be classed as Goliaths. However, you don't need me to tell you who or what your Goliaths are... if like me you take a good look in the mirror or meditate in prayer... they reveal themselves for what they are sooner or later.

All you need to know about your giants and your demons... is that you have to knock them on their backsides. Sooner or later... if you are going to get to the good stuff or the meaningful things in life, you have to go up to the big nasty man on the bridge... and knock him flying into the water.

You can pace up and down the river bank for hours, days, months or years. You can turn back and settle for less than what you are... but there will always be a nagging feeling... something gnawing at you within, urging you to go back and be who you are supposed to be.... and explore the possibilities of who and what you can become.

But the trouble with demons and giants is that they aren't known  for their respect of human beings. If you go up against them in your own strength... sooner or later you are going to find an opponent that is too hard to beat. You ride to war... but not to victory.

In The Lord of the Rings, Aragorn faces similar peril. For all of his years he had been wandering in the wilderness, fighting evil in the guise of a ranger. However, when the things that he cherishes the most are threatened, he finds his assets are wanting.

It is at this point that Elrond offers him a potential solution. If Aragorn assumes the mantle of king, he can overcome the mountain in his way... but only Elrond holds the secret to unlocking that destiny... Anduril, flame of the West.

Similarly we can go up against our mountains, giants, demons, dragons... whatever you want to call them... but we need the One who can unlock the way for us to do that. There is one human name that these beings do respect.

Jesus.

Like Aragorn, we need the authority of a king in our life's journey. If we invite Jesus Christ into our lives... we gain that authority. For as Paul writes:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, and gave himself for me.

Galatians 5:20

King David knew only too well how much providence and blessing could flow from the hands of God in the face of adversity. If you read Psalm 18, he talks of having the power to advance a troop, scale a wall, bend bronze, subdue nations and make strongholds fall.

I don't know about you... but when I look at some of the challenges and promises that rise up along the road ahead, it's very reassuring to know the God of Heaven and Earth offers to walk with me.

Peace be the Journey (Cool Runnings).

...and Ecce January

This is my second attempt at writing this blog post... the previous one died after Google decided to log me out and my browser crashed. Grr.

Anyway... thank goodness - 2010 is all done and dusted, welcome at last to 2011.

I don't know about you... but I don't really have any major resolutions worked out yet. I don't have a road map as such.  I do know that this year will mark out a few changes for me, personally. Some of the opportunities that have given me greatest sense of joy , fellowship and sowing spiritual seeds, will not be available to me this year; those doors are closed this year it would seem.

The Bible teaches us that there is a time to sow and a time to reap... and that while one person sows, another reaps. Whilst I will continue to look for opportunities to serve, I do wonder if I am entering into a time where I will be able to reap things. As we begin the year, I am feeling an urge to once more spread my wings and broaden my horizon. I am not like Luke Skywalker gazing forlornly into a binary sunset... wondering if things will ever change. Things will change... they always do. We just have to be prepared to make and take opportunities... and most of all, trust in God.

Things will change. They always do. It just takes time, trust and action.

In the words of Bilbo Baggins "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure".

Although, I don't think I'm quite ready to be shipped out to the Undying Lands just yet though. No, there are plenty of japes, jollities, wonders, mischiefs and new discoveries yet to be experienced on this good Earth as yet.

I start this year as I mean to go on... thinking positive and looking for the opportunities and defining moments the year will bring. I've already begun looking at some options. Later in the year, I hope to go on a tour of Italy.

Last night, I found myself at a loose end and decided to lie down for 10 minutes of quiet time in my bedroom. As I did so, I felt an eerie breeze blow down on me and my mind was drawn back to an old, familiar story... the story of an eagle that was raised in the belief it was a chicken:

One day, a man stole an egg from the nest of a golden eagle... and he took the egg and left it nestled among other eggs in a chicken coop. One by one, all the eggs hatched and among them was the infant eagle. It spent every day for many years living among the chickens and scratching for food in the dirt, content with its lot... never having reason to question it's purpose or differences.

Then one day, a piercing cry was heard from above... and a silhouette... a strange yet somehow familiar shadow, swept across the farmyard. High above the farm below, an eagle circled in the bright sunlight.

The eagle asked his chicken "siblings" what this strange new bird was. "That is an eagle, he belongs to the sky... we are chickens, we belong to the Earth" they replied. Our earthbound eagle looks to the sky and ponders... he is about to dismiss all he has witnessed when he hears the eagle cry once more... and a breeze blows beneath his wings... gently ruffling his feathers. Instinctively.... the eagle scuttles across the farmyard beating it's wings. It catches the breeze, takes to the sky... and finds the thermal that takes it up to it's fellow eagle high up in the clouds and sunlight.

We need to learn from the eagle... living on the vertical as well as the lateral.

Like the eagle, our beliefs and opinions are shaped by our experiences; this is never more true than where our self-perception is concerned. We enter this world and live out our daily lives along a lateral axis... because that is what we see in the world around us. However, there comes a time for all of us sooner or later... when we are challenged by a call to live on the vertical as well as the horizontal. Taking into account what I said a few days ago at the end of last year... this is equally true for those of us who have already embraced a call to follow God. How easy is it to get entangled with the red tape in our lives... or to run with an idea given from God on the vertical... but use only the resources of the human lateral to carry it out.

We need to keep our ears to the ground and our eyes to the horizon... listening and watching for the whispers, signs and moments that empower us and transform us - that immeasurable help from above that causes us to amend what we are and shapes what we should be.

It is so easy to forget the vertical and live out life on the lateral... we need to remember there is more than just the complexities of modern life.

The obvious Bible passage to share with you here is Isaiah 40:31. However, I feel just using that one verse alone would be a little clichéd. So here it is with a few of the preceding verses (I shall explain why):

Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. 

Isaiah 40:26-31

I'll let you into a little secret... it's just between you and me. Part of my problem in previous years is that I have felt very much like Jacob and Israel. I have felt that my cause has been disregarded by God... that I'm out here trying to walk in his ways, while others have reaped the benefits that this life has to offer, regardless of what choices they have made.

You see, the temptation is not to stare at the horizon... or not to look to the eagle in the sky. The temptation is to become downcast and gaze at our toes... or look at the successes of the chickens around us and grow in despair. If we are different... then we are not going to find what we are looking for in the same places as others.

We have to decide what we are. We have to find our own voice deep within and sing with all our hearts. When it comes to who we are as individuals... we cannot be a half or a part of something. You either are or you are not. If our heart is calling us to be something and we repress it... it will in the long run reassert itself with a vengeance and either consume us or leave us feeling lost and wasted.

If we can but trust in the Everlasting God who loves us... he will lift us up and give us the strength to claim our true destiny... and become the people we are meant to be.

Though our feelings might suggest otherwise... they are temporary and subject to change. The Everlasting God does not faint, does not grow weary and does not forget his promises to us.

He can be trusted.

Trust him in 2011.