A Burden of Kryptonite

Sometimes in life, you find that the weight of your decisions becomes very tangible.

This is never more true than when you make a decision that goes against the grain of everything within you. In light of recent events I've certainly been feeling this in quite a profound and very personal way.

I keep thinking of this scene from Superman Returns:

That's what it feels like to me, anyway.

Actually that sums it up pretty well... Kryptonite if you recall, is made up of the remains of Superman's homeworld, Krypton... and exposure to it is harmful to him. When Superman came to Earth, he gained powerful abilities, a destiny and a life beyond the imaginations of mortal men.

Thinking about that, isn't it exactly the same in the Christian journey?

We begin our lives, like everyone else... born into a doomed world. However we are saved... not by a rocket ship, but by the grace of God granted to us through the willing sacrifice of his Son, Jesus:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."

Romans 8:1-4

He took the punishment of a dying world onto his shoulders and gave us the opportunity to change our destiny. We could choose to remain on our dying world... or find new abundant life in the kind of life the Father had originally planned for us:

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. ⁸Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Romans 8:5-8

Jesus said that he came that we might have life and have it in abundance... live it to the full... to remain in disobedience, is to remain on Krypton... and we know what that leads to...

Nevertheless, as the apostle Paul observed, even if we claim the salvation on offer to us and cross over from life to death, we are still broken people. Just as in the DC universe, fragments of Krypton made it to Earth and harm Superman when he comes near to it... when we come close to the remnants of our sinful nature, it also has a nasty effect:

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

Romans 7:14-25

Basically if we go near the sinful nature, we come under it's influence... but it's not always as straightforward as you might think it seems. As all Superman aficionados are aware, Kryptonite does not come in a single flavour. Sure, green makes Superman sick and can kill him, but there are other forms that prove harmful in other ways. In the same way as Christians, the sinful nature tries to harm us in different ways. Sometimes a wrong choice in life might not necessarily be an "evil" one, it's just that it's not a beneficial one. In other words we can make choices that... whilst not overtly harmful, are disobedient to God's perfect will for our lives.

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.

1 Corinthians 10:23

Or perhaps we get ourselves into situations where the power and authority God grants in ministry to us... are neutralised by our behaviour or need to conform to the peer pressure around us.

As I said, it's not just a simple matter of being outright "naughty".

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2

We need to take a good long hard look at our lives and start yanking the Kryptonite out of it... and that's what my current struggle surrounds. I may not be outright rebellious, but I'm certainly prone to my fair share of disobedience... and my struggle concerns me putting God first in an area of my life in which I too often have got carried away.

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?

Luke 9:23-25

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:7-11

So I find myself lofting a huge chunk of my own Kryptonite out of my life and deep into space, it is a heavy burden... but it must be done. Someone might say that, if it's so heavy... why isn't God helping?

Ahhh but there it is, God is helping... without his strength it would be impossible to even lift that burden.

Remember that Jesus Christ himself suffered when he was tempted... we see a glimpse of this in the Gospels... but the most crucial temptation he went through, was that of being in the Garden of Gethsemane... and wanting the cup (the burden of having to suffer for our sins), to pass.

There are times when we all want the cup to pass but the book of Hebrews again offers us this advice:

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:2-3

Why should we do this? Well earlier in the book, we are told just why the temptations that Jesus suffered, matter so much to us today:

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:18

The difference between the weight we carry as Christians and the weight we bore before coming to salvation is as fundamentally different as the difference a diver would notice between a life giving aqualung on his back as opposed to the millstone tied around his ankle.

That is what Jesus meant when he told us:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

The weight that Christ gives us to bear brings life... if we choose to struggle on alone with the weight the world gives us, we sink to the ocean floor and die.

Finally we can be sure that our struggle is not futile. The battle is long and fierce... but in the end if we trust in God, we will triumph. This goes for everything... whether we are talking the major conflicts that shape our final destiny, or the daily battles that shape who we are and discipline us in order that we can claim what God has promised us in our temporal lives for:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:28-31

May God grant you victory in whatever struggles you face today.

Blessings

N

Listen...

Over the past couple of days I've been thinking a lot about how unspoken things sometimes resonate with us and speak to us on another level.

I recall hearing on a documentary once, that the Reverend W Awdry gained inspiration for Thomas the Tank Engine by listening to two steam engines travelling uphill along a railway line. One of them, a slow lumbering giant was making a slow rhythmic with it's steam... "I can't make it... I can't make it". At the same time, a smaller more nimble engine caught up to it and started to pass by with a quicker sound "yesyoucanyesyoucanyesyoucan!"

You can almost here the sounds in your head now... can't you? Admit it.

The reason I've been thinking about this is because I was recently listening to a version of one of the main songs from the soundtrack to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (In Time by Robbie Robb). It's a song I like listening to because it reminds me that good things (whether that be in this world or the next), will eventually come to those who are prepared to wait and trust in God... and it's a useful and warm reminder when the journey seems long and hard.

I bought the soundtrack to the film some time ago but was a little disappointed with the version on the CD... it seemed to lack something. I hadn't noticed, but the film version differs in that it has an electric guitar playing a solo backing track (by Stevie Salas) at the same time.

I only discovered this by chance, when browsing YouTube. A talented guitarist by the name of Marcus Wright had been motivated by a friend to painstakingly recreate the riffs and it is so much better with them restored.

Here is the song:

With merely the words it sounds like someone is merely singing to themselves and their companion about how things will improve... but the guitar work adds a hidden voice an unseen one that speaks to me of reassurance, providence and faithfulness.

Elijah had a similar experience on Mount Horeb (although sadly, I don't think God played guitar).

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

1 Kings 19:11-13

God doesn't always speak to us through the obvious and explosive... often he is right there with us whispering away through the subtle things we encounter and observe.

I find these experiences far more personal, but in order to be able to appreciate them, I need to listen carefully.

I wonder if you've had similar experiences along these lines.

I'll finish up with one last example... Elgar's Nimrod. It's normally only reserved for times of national tragedy... what a sad waste! It's not actually about sadness, Elgar wrote it in honour of his best friend, Augustus J Jaeger in an effort to capture his nobility.

Whenever I hear it, it speaks to me a of a warm, ever growing brooding divine affection from God above, for the listener below.

How can I hear a tune as beautiful and as full of life as that... and attribute it to grief and mourning?

Anyway I shall let Elgar and God speak for themselves:

For The Record...

I just want to say... even need to say perhaps, that what I wrote the other day...

You have no idea how hard it was to type that and nobody really knows the burden which it causes me to carry... which I don't feel able to share here and not even even in the Inner Sanctum.

As I said before... context is everything.

A Commitment

A few weeks ago I started to make a few realisations about myself. There were certain things that I lacked (and still lack) in my life, that I was clinging to much too strongly.

I remember earlier in the year, perhaps it was even earlier than that... feeling burdened to take the path of Isaac. Isaac if you recall was the "quiet man" of the patriarchs... the biggest event in his adult life was his marriage to Rebekah... and even then, he didn't play a proactive part in the story... he was meditating in a field while Abraham's servant was doing all the hard work.

It's been true that up until recently I had been hankering after relationships like a dog chasing cars and by observing emotional similarities in other people I am close to, I realised how dangerous a thing love can be if it grows out of context.

In the past when I have fallen in love, I have fallen fast... and I have fallen deep and it has so consumed my attention that everything else... even the important things, faded into the background. the trouble with falling that fast and falling that deep, is that you also fall hard... and when you hit rock bottom... it blinking well hurts.

I recalled a time when a friend of mine gave up a relationship he was in because he felt that he "loved the other person" too much at the expense of his relationship with God... ergo, he believed his relationship to be idolatrous. I always respected him for that... always.

The wisdom of the world would tell him he would be crazy for thinking such a thing. "When you have something that precious, you never let go", they would say. But you see he was absolutely correct.

Context is everything.

If you love something so much that it blinds or at least obscures you to everything else around you... then it is idolatrous and really, if you are honest deep down... it is not love at all, it is something else...

...infatuation.

I think that in the past when I've liked a girl... it's definitely fallen into that category... even when I felt God telling me that I was to walk the way of Isaac... I just took that to mean "wait until I bring someone along and then pounce". However in hindsight, I don't think that was ever the intention.

So we come to a few weeks ago and the commitment I came to.

Essentially I've decided to go full tilt Isaac. That is to say that I'm entirely putting that area of my life on the back burner. I'm allowed to like people of course, but I'm not allowing myself to actively pursue them. That's God's turf. So either God sends someone my way or I stay out of action until I get some kind of personal message from God (I don't know... perhaps stone tablets), but either way it's not my focus anymore.

It means accepting that this could be it... the end of the line (as much as I of course don't want it to be and indeed have faith that it won't be). However, I have to make this sacrifice in order to prove to God that the idea of love and romance is not more important to me than him.

This is the point where all worldly friends and foe alike will in all probability burst out laughing and scurry away sending my name and address to the Darwin Awards... for attempting to ensure the extinction of my own genetic makeup.

Let them.

Whether or not I believe in Evolution (within the context of my belief in God) is besides the point. Whether or not I am prepared to trust my God is exactly the point.

Developments since walking this path have been... interesting to say the least. Needless to say, all secular girls who I have taken a shine to in the past have suddenly seemed to have universally had a eureka moment and have even started flirting with me... what's with that???

I'd be lying if I said things weren't in some ways awkward (there are some complicated issues... well they aren't complicated at all but... well never mind). However I'm finding I'm a lot closer to God at the moment, a great deal more energised and considerably braver when it comes to seeking out his will.

So there we have it evolutionary suicide or a leap of faith.... but it's been my decision nonetheless.