In Search of Ithaca

I recently took part in a personality quiz on Facebook entitled "Which Work of Literature are You?"

The result did not come as any surprise to me at all. My answers most closely associated my personality with The Odyssey by Homer:

Life is an epic journey. It exists only to challenge you, so that you might prove through overcoming incredible obstacles your worthiness to yourself, your loved ones, and your God(s). Trial and Tribulation is the name of the game, and you won't ever stop until you reach the promised land.

As I said, it didn't surprise me. It sums up how I often feel about things. It's the same reason why I've always (even since childhood) been drawn to stuff like Battlestar Galactica (both versions) and even why I'm more tolerant of Voyager than most Trek fans.

I really relate to tales where a major character is alienated or isolated from the people and dreams they hold dear... and is forced to fight insurmountable odds to achieve nothing more glorious than the right to get home.

Whether they wine and dine, fight their own personal battles against oppressive forces, or count their wealth and blessings in their vast treasure stores... the other kings and queens of Greece do so from the relative luxury of home and have plenty of contact with the other kings and queens...

I have fought their Trojans on many occasions... but when my trials come, many of them either cannot tell when I'm all at sea, are unable to do anything to assist... or simply do not care about my fate (except when it is intertwined with their own).

I'm still searching for Ithaca. Sometimes I make good progress, other days I end up in a right pickle... onwards I go nonetheless.

In my mind I have of late pictured myself as a tall ship sat on a windless ocean. I am sat waiting for a sudden gust or a gentle to send me off somewhere... anywhere but I have neither direction or power... I seem quite depleted of personal resolve.

Periodically I go through times when I tend to struggle with the reality of my circumstances... or should I say the reality of my lack of circumstances. At these times I look around me and reason that I am all alone... save for the company of God.

I truly believe these times are an attack against me... the enemy seems to disrupt me the most by isolating me from other Christians. He uses the perceived injustice of my position... and the emotional mistreatment/neglect of people I have known to cripple me and lay me low.

I once heard a man preach that our relationship with God is like a table on four legs - prayer, studying the word, worship and fellowship. Take one of those legs away and the table wobbles a bit... take two away and it gets ropey. The argument is that as the elements that make up a healthy relationship with Christ disappear from your life, the more unstable and rocky your faith becomes.

The first leg that always gets clobbered in my case is that of Fellowship.

I felt really despondent the other day, but there was a glimmer of light at the end of it.

I finished work feeling entirely fed up and exhausted....and wanted to o straight home and veg out. However I was very conscious of wanting to spend time with God and I knew if I headed home I'd either plonk myself in front of the computer or hit the sofa and shut myself off.

So I made a concerted effort to go to church.

As I drew near, I noticed that the door was open (unusual given it's rural location), yet nobody was there. Even though the truth is that it was probably merely left that way by the previous visitor, it nonetheless lifted my spirits and made me feel welcome. After a short time of prayer and bible study I headed home feeling somewhat better than I had that day.

As I made my way back down the path, thought back to the open door and I heard the reassuring words:

"My door is always open for you Nick."

So I'm still out there looking for my Ithaca... but I have the best ally in the universe to aid me in my voyage... and something tells me that the wind isn't that far away. The symbolism of the door being open,and the words put on my heart reminded me of a certain passage:

"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

Revelation 3:7-8

Labour Pains

As I write this entry, the trials and tribulations that have beset Gordon Brown's premiership, are mounting by the truckload.

I can't help thinking that Mr Brown's biggest problem by far, is his lack of charismatic authority. The hints were there right from the start... in an early Prime Minister's Questions session facing David Cameron... where he rather embarrassingly came to a grinding halt and sat down before properly answering the question put to him.

True, it was only a small thing... but you could easily argue that it was a microcosm of what has since transpired. I'm not against Mr Brown at all... I've always believed he's had a good agenda that was initially obscured by his predecessor's egomania and obsession with spin. Of course I've never really been a fan of Blair,but one thing you can argue... is that he had charisma in spades (but then it is not always a good quality). Following a man like that is always going to be difficult, it is even more the case if charisma does not come naturally.

I don't have a major problem with Mr Brown's big policy calls... nobody can doubt he's made some brave calls that other world leaders have responded to. My biggest problem is his inability to make the big leadership calls. He had a chance to validate his premiership right from the get go... he had the opportunity to call a somewhat risky general election which hindsight tells us he probably would have won. His response to the subsequent by-elections and local elections that Labour struggled in, was "We are listening and we will learn from this". This was churned out several times in succession and to my ears, it became a bit of a cliched mantra.

Then of course most recently, he finds ministers within his ranks who have played or abused the expenses system and chooses a long term strategy to deal with it. That is not how the real world deals with such matters. If something like that came up anywhere else, you would expect it to be dealt with immediacy. What was needed was not an independent inquiry riddled with red tape (that must follow only as a secondary measure), but a swift yet accurate self diagnosis of who was at fault followed by a case by case instant dismissal and by election.

People may still harbour anger, resentment and feelings of betrayal... but if they can at least see that you are taking genuinely hard steps to put your house in order, you are are likely to win their ears back.

If the stories are true, it would appear that Brown was not happy with Alastair Darling's performance as chancellor... and yet in the recent reshuffle, he backed off doing anything about it because Darling was rumoured to be digging his heels in and refusing to do any other job.

The tougher choice would have been to have called Darling out on that... put him somewhere you feel is better and see how he reacts. If he walks, he walks... but don't let one man's desire to retain a high profile job, rule how you feel the team should be structured.

I feel the only way for Gordon Brown to survive the oncoming storm, is to adapt his personality for the times ahead. He needs to be more bullish.

Should Labour go through with a plot to oust him, heaven help them... because I don't really see any pretenders to the throne. I don't get a strong sense of leadership from Alan Johnson or anyone else for that matter... and if someone should take the mantle from Brown, they are going to have justify the fact that they are the second successive Prime Minister to have not been directly elected.

If Brown goes... or is forced to take some kind of internal electoral action to secure his position, I honestly think a general election will have to be called. He needs to act before his own ministers adopt their own course of action that can only end in mutually assured destruction of Labour at the polls - Blairite or Brownite won't matter... their fate will be the same.

I'll be honest... I can't see any way that Labour is not going to be annihilated at the next general election- I believe that too much water has passed under the bridge. Now is not the time for fingers in the dame... now is the time for something spectacular.

An interesting week ahead of us I would say.