As you may have gathered, yesterday was pretty intense and my post was verging on primal.
Since that time, I've had opportunity to reflect on the things that have hurt me and think I have found a way of coming to terms with the things that irritate me and as a result, I'm more philosophical about going forwards.
I was sitting in my car and praying about my feelings, my attitude and the events and actions that led up to them. I suddenly became aware that there is a lesson to be learned here... I've learned it before in another area of my life.
It's the lesson of letting go.
In surgery there comes a time when those operating have to agree that the battle is lost and continuing is a waste of resources. Similarly, while saving the past is a noble pursuit... it must not be done at the expense of the present or future. God knows I have a stubborn streak running right through me. Is it just stubbornness though... or is it actually arrogance? When everyone else walks away, I remain... because some part of me thinks I can hold the centre.
But is it actually my place to hold the centre?
No it isn't. This is riding a dead horse. If I keep devoting my energies to people who have disappeared over the horizon, I'm not going to be able to be there for the people who are to come... and I'm going to burn myself out.
I learned this many years ago in respect of relationships... and now I realise it's equally applicable here.
Let the dead bury the dead.
That's not to say I will slam the door on people who have come and gone... it just means I have no need of their approval... and I'm not being held back any more.
You see it's occurred to me, this is just another step on the road I'm travelling... a necessary one. When I go to Israel next year, who knows what I'm going to discover? One thing I do know though... if I go out there still looking back, I'm going to miss the moments.
In fact, that is just as true now... isn't it?
So onwards I travel... and no longer shall I let my gaze linger on the road behind me.
Now is it just synchronicity that "The Times They Are A-Changin" is playing on my Last.fm radio.
Since that time, I've had opportunity to reflect on the things that have hurt me and think I have found a way of coming to terms with the things that irritate me and as a result, I'm more philosophical about going forwards.
I was sitting in my car and praying about my feelings, my attitude and the events and actions that led up to them. I suddenly became aware that there is a lesson to be learned here... I've learned it before in another area of my life.
It's the lesson of letting go.
In surgery there comes a time when those operating have to agree that the battle is lost and continuing is a waste of resources. Similarly, while saving the past is a noble pursuit... it must not be done at the expense of the present or future. God knows I have a stubborn streak running right through me. Is it just stubbornness though... or is it actually arrogance? When everyone else walks away, I remain... because some part of me thinks I can hold the centre.
But is it actually my place to hold the centre?
No it isn't. This is riding a dead horse. If I keep devoting my energies to people who have disappeared over the horizon, I'm not going to be able to be there for the people who are to come... and I'm going to burn myself out.
I learned this many years ago in respect of relationships... and now I realise it's equally applicable here.
Let the dead bury the dead.
That's not to say I will slam the door on people who have come and gone... it just means I have no need of their approval... and I'm not being held back any more.
You see it's occurred to me, this is just another step on the road I'm travelling... a necessary one. When I go to Israel next year, who knows what I'm going to discover? One thing I do know though... if I go out there still looking back, I'm going to miss the moments.
In fact, that is just as true now... isn't it?
So onwards I travel... and no longer shall I let my gaze linger on the road behind me.
Now is it just synchronicity that "The Times They Are A-Changin" is playing on my Last.fm radio.
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