Bad Questions

I've been pondering.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew if you asked a question, you would get an answer that would irritate/upset you... and stick in your craw? In fact you would know the very answer that would come back to you. Going on from that have you found yourself being inexorably drawn into asking that very question regardless anyway?

I've done this very thing recently. Why do you suppose we do it? I can't believe I'm the only person who would do it... or is it just me after all?

I think it's a combination of things that leads us to act in this manner. Firstly I think we want to be proven wrong... we ask the question knowing full well what we expect the answer to be and we want to be surprised and not disappointed. Perversely our flawed human nature also wants us to be proven right and provokes us to ask the question just so our subconscious can say:

"Well? What did you expect?!"

I think the worst thing is that I don't necessarily disagree with the answer given... I just find it extremely hard to believe that same answer is something that is applicable to myself - no matter how hard I wish it were so... in fact given the way I am as a person... I think I actually need it to be so.

You see I kind of feel back in that place where every other Christian on planet Earth seems to get everything given to them on a silver platter... and I'm just the neglected butler in an "Upstairs Downstairs" Christian world.

I know that isn't what is going on... it just seems that way - I do appreciate that everybody gets their fair share of trouble.

Part of what reinforces that false idea I have, is the attitude of many who seem to see me as subordinate to them and only talk to me when they want something... very rarely do they contact me as a person. I think this is why the Martin Luther King quote I spoke of yesterday has remained in my mind so solidly. I'm not so much bothered by the things in life that beset me... I am far more bothered by some friends apparent indifference. They perceive me purely as an asset.

I'm not.

I'm a living human being with a heart that beats just as firmly as theirs... sometimes more so.

I'm also an equal partner in the kingdom and I'm not a "newbie". I don't appreciate it when people talk down to me or lecture me. I am fed up with "one upmanship". We are supposed to be building one another up as a body... not competing and jostling for position like the pharisees did when they tried to trap Jesus with "superior" theology.

This is the first time in a good while I've felt able to get this off my chest. Until now I'd kept a lot of this fairly private... but I want to wrestle with this openly now. Sometimes you just have to come about and tack into the wind and face down what is coming at you...

... and I'm through running.