Life on Trumpton?

I wonder, have you caught the truly inspired promotional teaser trailer for the second series of BBC 1's Life on Mars yet? If not, you are in for a real treat:

I was in stitches when I saw that. The drama series of course is set in the 70's - the Golden Age of Trumpton and Camberwick Green... and although the programme is much grittier than the trailer implies (although it does have extremely comedic moments too), lampooning Trumpton is a very appropriate way to promote it.

Whoever dreamed up the concept of Life on Mars, must be a genius. You get to do a cop show with all the 70's prejudices and nostalgia... yet maintaining the moral high ground as we see it through the eyes of Sam Tyler, a detective who is either in a coma, insane... or quite possibly trapped 33 years in the past. Although this is the second series, we will definitely find out the truth... because it is also rather sadly, the final series.

My personal belief is that Sam has travelled in time... in his mind. He is in the body of an entirely different Sam Tyler from 1973. He has been sent back to put right a few wrongs... and when they are accomplished, he will awake from his coma in 2007. He will get back to his office and check the records and discover the truth. That he was in the body of another man from the past. I believe they have borrowed several ideas from Quantum Leap. Nelson the barkeeper seems very important... and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he were God... and the test card girl were Satan.

Whatever the truth is, we will find out together from February 13th as once more we'll be "'avin 'oops", whilst watching the adventures of Gene Hunt and Sam Tyler.

Oh and I couldn't resist uncovering this little gem of an advert from Quaker Oats, which is not wholly unconnected:

Good old Windy Miller and his Uncle Goober!

A Saturday Less Ordinary.

Today's been only slightly less mundane than most Saturday's.

I decided to go shopping for shoes, because my work shoes are frankly falling apart. Now, we have a shoe shop in town... I used to work their for a summer job while at college. My mum works their part time now. It's because of those facts that I won't go there, despite there being a possible discount. I'm just not comfortable being served by people who know me... especially family (though mum wasn't there today). I don't know why, its just the way I am. I suppose that's another thing that has to go out the window in the continuous evolution of Nick Payne.

So I checked my blog and emails.

Then I did a Monet!

I decided last night to wipe the mega long entry "Live and Let Live". I don't feel there was anything wrong in what I said... but it was that post which was throwing the sidebar on my page out of whack and after sleeping on what to do about it, I felt it was probably something that people didn't need to hear.

The reason I mentioned Monet, is because I was told a story about him once. He was renowned for his soft blue and green works... but there was a period in his life when he suffered from cataracts. It was during this period that he painted pictures in vibrant reds and yellows. He had one set of cataracts removed and painted half the picture in his older colours and the other half in the reds and yellows. When Monet realised that his eye problems had interfered with his artistic efforts, he destroyed most of his paintings from that time. Now that is a philosophical question for art... our pains, hardships, joys and sorrows form the backbone for our creative works... so was Monet right? Did his cataracts damage those particular works... or enhance them?

I digress. As I waited for the bus, a teenager came and asked what time the bus would come, he was very civil. However, five minutes later his mates came along and he had a personality transplant. It's interesting how easily we change our behaviour to suit our company... all the more interesting for me having made personal observations regarding myself.

Got my shoes and purchased two books from Waterstones to keep me out of trouble - "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman and "Hood" by Stephen Lawhead. Looking forward to get stuck in to those. The latter should be extremely interesting because it relocates the Robin Hood legend into Wales. Having said that... Robin himself is most probably an amalgamation of several different legends. I'm a fan of Lawhead's work, especially the books he has written that tie into Celtic culture and the ancient legends and lore of the British Isles.

Part of me was thinking of going out tonight and wandering into a pub to do some crazy man dancing. However I'm cooking myself chicken and asparagus with pasta in a pesto sauce... so I won't get time.

I'm hoping to cycle over to Astwood Bank tomorrow, to attend the church of some friends. However there is a very big hill between us... and last time it nearly wiped me out. I want to tell some of them the things I have concluded here recently. I'll let you know how I get on.

Blessings

N

Just Do It!

Just before New Year, I posted a blog entitled "Grappling with God".

I think I may have left it hanging there and never told you what occurred in the week or so after that... it was a pretty intense period.

Without going into specifics, I ended up in a situation which made me increasingly restless. I felt like I was in a set up, whether it was of divine, human or evil origins I didn't care... I was tearing myself apart out of fear... because I had no say into where I was going.

I'll admit now that I became so agitated, I sat up for most of one night just praying about it. When confronted with the situation I deliberately flung up all my old defences. I tried to portray myself in as bad a way as possible. I deliberately talked about spiritual stuff and went off the deep end theologically. I tried to be as cryptic, aloof and eccentric as possible. These are my old weapons... the wrong weapons. I must confess that I am capable of quite devious manipulation. I can control pretty much most people's perception of me. I make them all think I'm a bit crazy and it produces the response my subconscious desires... it keeps people liking me, but puts them a little on edge so they don't want to get too close. It's not a good thing... for one thing, I know it is wrong to control people... and for another it is the familiar minefield of self destructiveness that I keep trying to amble back on to.

The day passed without event, but I was so on edge that I panicked about it for a few more days. I looked weary and burdened on my first day back at work... and my best mate said I had a wild edge to my nature.

The truth that I have come to realise, the blatant truth that the Genesis passage I was given, has enabled me to see, is that I have been on the banks of the Jabbok river for a long time. Like Jacob I know that you can't turn back and return to burned bridges... and like Jacob, I have been absolutely petrified of going forward into a land of promise... because all I can see is my big hairy brother coming to kill me. Or in relevant terms, all I could see was a future I cannot control, where I may be at the mercy of others... and it scared the hell out of me.

What God taught Jacob, was that you cannot run away from your fears of the future... you have to face everything before you. The more important lesson he taught Jacob, was that the things that he (Jacob) could not control, didn't matter. God is far more able and better equipped to handle our issues, our inner demons and anything that confronts us. Jacob walked into Jabbok alone, with God kept at a nice, safe comfortable distance. However, God is sovereign and isn't subject to the little boxes we like to put people in. When God finished with Jacob, they walked out together - Jacob sustained by the swift, sure hand of God... had discovered that which hos father and grandfather had known before him... that God was his shield and very great reward.

The man walked in as Jacob and walked out as Israel.

I have made a resolution to stop playing chess and enjoy life for what it is. Life IS to short for chess... if you spend your moments guessing and second guessing every possible pathway in your future, like some warped Grandmaster... then you are going to miss practically every opportunity that comes your way.

My name is derived for the Greek deity of victory... the same one as a certain sportswear company. I should take note of their slogan and "just do it".

From now on, I intend to.

I'm going to be less deliberate, I'm not going to fight the waves... I'm going to surf them.

I'll leave you with Coldplay's "The Scientist". It is a song I sometimes use in prayer when I have these moments, when I know I need to repent of my obsessive nature. We have to realise that it's more important to embrace God and declare our need of and love for, him; rather than poking and prodding at all the mysteries and dilemmas before us.

On the Subject of Technology...

...I thought I'd point out a few things about the current template design, as well as outline a few of my eventual intentions for the design of this place.

Some people might think I'm a bit of an egotist, because the i in Nick's Sanctuary is the only letter with a colour... this is intentional but not for narcissistic reasons. You will also notice that the other letters in title are block capital - NiCK'S SANCTUARY. What I am trying to evoke, is the need to to retain your individuality amongst the multitude of other people around... whilst not forgetting the importance of humility. I just wanted to clear that up.

Now, I'm a fan of purples and deep blues... but I don't know if they work well here. Is the sight OK for you to read? I can read it alright... but fat lot of good that is, if I have you lot all squinting with bleary eyes... you as the weary pilgrims who wander in here, matter to me. If this place can be better I'd like you to spill the beans.

As you may have gathered I'm not the brightest spark in the fire when it comes to HTML and CSS style sheets. when I visit other blogs, I am in awe of the loving craftsmanship put into some of the designs. It's like walking into people's personal cathedrals. I especially love seeing artistic designs in title bars... and if forced to be honest, I'm envious. I will get round to making this place look a bit pictorial if I can... if you are willing and able to offer a hand, I'd be grateful.

Blessings

N

Sidebar Problems

Haven't got a scooby doo as to what happened to my sidebar. Probably something to do with the length of the last post. anybody got any suggestions?

Apart from telling me not waffle on! :-)

Update as at 26th January 2007:

It would appear my suspicions were correct, my last post was excruciatingly long. In order to maintain the site integrity, I'm just going to keep the number of posts per page short... until the template can cope. If you want to see what I've been talking about prior to what you see before you, you'll have to check the archive.

Why not be totally spontaneous and randomly pick an archive month to peruse... go on, you know you want to!

What's In A Name?

I've been thinking lately about our attachment to identity. We attach a lot of importance to how we are addressed, both in terms our personal names and our nationality.

Two things have brought this up for me recently, the unionist/separatist debate over the future of the United Kingdom... and one of the elements observed in the bullying of Shilpa Shetty. In the former case, I explained in an earlier post how I would feel if the UK split up (I don't consider myself English but British), obviously other people feel differently about that and it doesn't make either them or I, right or wrong. There is no state, no law that can define how we identify ourselves according to international heritage... although they can of course refuse to recognise the nation to which we claim to belong's existence. In the latter case, Ms Shetty was labelled as "Princess" or "The Indian" or had a "surname" attributed to her out of ignorance. It seemed to me that what deeply hurt her initially, was the simple refusal of some of her peers to acknowledge her by name.

I met an old schoolfriend a few years ago, his name is Andrew Cutting. At school most of the lads were nicknamed after their surnames... he was, I wasn't - guess I was lucky. When I bumped into him I slipped into the old routine and it clearly hurt him. "It's Andy, Nick... you wouldn't like it if I called you Payne". I apologised and we chatted for a brief while. I've made a mental note not to refer to anyone from my past using past contexts, unless they are OK with this.

Similarly in my hometown, you can tell the people who I know and am known by... and those who know me primarily by association with my parents. Those who know my name call me Nicholas... those who know me, call me Nick.

The key thing about names is that they define how we identify with one another, ourselves and ultimately... God. In the Bible, God gave mankind the authority to name the animals. If I point to a horse, and say there is a horse... it gives no impression of personal value. If I point to him and say "There's Binky" and he responds, you know that there is some form of basic relationship. It's the same with human beings. In the West, we find it acceptable to walk into a room and give a generic greeting. Apparently (so I've been told), in Ecuador it is extremely rude to do this, it is customary to greet everyone in the room as an individual. I think they have the right idea.

We call one another by terms of endearment, nicknames I myself have been known as "Lunar", "Lunarboy", "Pyjama-Man" and "Natrel Man". We can choose to change our name by law, if we are unhappy with it... or if our known identity becomes a danger to our existence. Women can choose to surrender their surname, in order to become associated more closely with a man in marriage. We choose names that has special meaning, significance or affection for our children. Well... OK in my case I didn't have a name for two weeks because Mum and Dad couldn't decide and in the end I was named after the local church (an embarrassing tale for another time I think).

God also changes names... at times when people have a moment in their life that changes the way they relate to him. Abram was changed to Abraham, Sarai became Sarah and as I mentioned in another previous blog, Jacob became Israel.

God himself reveals different names attributed to himself, through the Bible. In fact a key theme in the Bible is how the same God is known by a different name when he reveals a new aspect of his character to his people that marks a new point in his relationship with them.

I'm going to leave you with a meditative challenge and a selection of the Biblical names of God that I found at Lambert Dolphin's website, which also has a more in depth examination of those names.

For the meditative challenge, I want to go back to the horse/Binky scenario. I want you to imagine you are in a sunlit field, looking up to the top of a gentle hill with a friend. I'd like you to try and picture "God" (or if you are an atheist, the person with whom you most closely associate that word) appearing over the hill. When you point to God, how will you describe him to your friend? Is he just the term "God", or is he something more personal than that? If you struggle, maybe the name you seek is in the following list. Whichever name stands out the most for you at this time in your life, I'd like you to go and meditate/think about it. Perhaps if you feel brave enough you could share the name that came to you, or maybe even what came as you meditated on that name. Here is the list:

• El - God
• Elohim - God, pluralised noun(as in the Trinity).
• El Shaddai - God Almighty
• Adonai - Lord
• Jehovah - LORD
• YHWH - I AM WHO I AM" or I WILL BE WHO I WILL BE
• Jehovah-Jireh - The Lord Will Provide
• Jehovah-Rophe - The Lord Who Heals
• Jehovah-M'Kaddesh - The Lord Who Sanctifies
• Jehovah-Shalom - The Lord Our Peace
• Jehovah-Tsidkenu - The Lord Our Righteousness
• Jehovah-Rohi The Lord Our Shepherd
• Jehoivah-Shammah - The Lord Is There
• El Elyon - God Most High
• Tsemach - The Branch
• El Roi - God of Seeing
• Palet - Deliverer
• Gaol - Redeemer
• Magen - Shield
• El-Olam - Everlasting One
• Zur - God Our Rock
• Melekh - King
• Father
• Son
• Holy Spirit
• The Trinity
• The Word
• Alpha and Omega - The First and the Last
• Y'Shua
• Jesus
• Christ
• Messiah
• The Lamb of God
• Saviour
• The Innermost Friend
• Comforter
• My All In All

I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts.

Debtwatch 3

It's occurred to me that with all the shenanigans over my change of blog... I've neglected to give an update on my current financial position.

Well despite the expenses that came with the Christmas, I managed to hold my own... just. I went slightly over my Christmas budget, but not in a bad way. I've once again put across £100 in my savings, in readiness for another big hit into my repayments.

I'm actually finding the nearer I get to being out of the woods, the harder it is to hold my course. Using some of my birthday/Christmas money, I bought myself a new suit in the January sales To be honest I did need one, my other two are looking their age and I have my dad's civic service coming up, as well as a wedding (no, not mine). I surprised myself by resisting the urge to buy an Ipod or Creative Zen and I actually managed to get interest CREDITED to my account instead of debited... OK so it was only 1p but it's a start.

It seriously looks like I'm not going to spend out, which is encouraging. I'm thinking of waiting till March and putting another £500/600 on the table. If I do this, I could seriously reduce my repayment schedule. It would have me debt free by the beginning of May.

I have also noticed that since I dealt my last unscheduled blow, the interest accumulation has halved.

I can see the faint outline of a financially debt free coastline on the horizon.

Hallelujah.

Thanks and praises to God above who made all these things by changing my situation, my fortunes and most importantly... my heart.

Balance left on debt: £1768.44
Cash in short term savings reserves: £100
Cash remaining in current account that I can probably spare for debt repayment £150.00

Reality Bites!

I'm not a big fan of reality TV, but I do admit it that if I am sitting twiddling my thumbs, I can be lured into watching some of the programmes.

What I have seen on Big Brother has horrified me. I resent bullying. I myself was bullied as a teenager and as such tend to stick close to the outsiders.... the people who the "popular" ones don't accept into their clique.

There is great debate at the moment as to whether or not the treatment of Shilpa Shetty is racist or not. It has caused such a furore as to have been regarded as a "diplomatic incident" between The United Kingdom and India, forcing Gordon Brown (visiting India) to try and placate the concerns of Indian politicians over the interracial attitudes of the UK.

My personal take on the debate is that whilst the motivation for the bullying is not racial (the cause is basic jealousy, fear and misunderstanding); cultural and racial stereotyping are definitely being used as offensive weapons against Ms Shetty. Racism isn't fuelling the jealousy, fear and misunderstanding... instead, those feelings are fuelling any instances of xenophobia and racism.

Either way it is an abomination and completely out of order.

Some people think that the 21,000 complainants (of which I am one), are overreacting, they say this sort of thing happens all the time regardless of race or culture... people just snipe and we should "get over it". I do not agree with this. First of all bullying is something we should all stand up to anyway, it is abhorrent by its very nature. Yet in this instance, it is as if the nation via Big Brother has held a mirror up to itself and does not like what it sees.

"If your eye offends thee... pluck it out".

I think the British public clearly want to demonstrate that the attitudes being conveyed, be they racist, ignorant, or just bullying for it's own sake... are not attitudes they wish to be associated with and so they are moving in their own way to remove the injustice they see. That is why there have been over 20,000 complaints and that is why Ms Goodie will ultimately walk on Friday. Heaven only knows what that reception is going to be like. Dare they screen it live?

My hope is that once the ringleader is gone, that good can come of this, that there can be a reconciliation between the two other offenders and Ms Shetty.

I have to say that throughout this whole debacle, Ms Shetty has to her credit demonstrated enormous restraint and dignity.

This is all however, merely a microcosm of a problem that is evident in our society. The question I ask is, if the British public are prepared to stand up for someone when they are in the public eye... will we have the courage of conviction to do likewise in the dark, when nobody bears witness to our actions?

I hope so.

State of the Union Address

No... not the President of the United State's annual speech, but my own thoughts and concerns about the state of the relationship between the nations that make up the United Kingdom.

It all started this afternoon when I read the main story on the BBC News website:

UK's existence is at risk - Brown

From reading that, I started to browse the comments in the "Have Your Say" page relating to the story, I even left a comment myself.

What I read there saddened me greatly.

There are clearly a lot of angry people on either side of the England/Scotland border. Those who are Scottish are angry that they do not have a fully independent identity and economy. Meanwhile, those who are English are angry at the amount of Scottish MP's voting on matters that only affect England... and the payment of large subsidies to support the Scottish economy.

I'm not with either of those groups.

I am perhaps one of the most unusual pro-union people I know. I identify myself as British, not English. I love my brothers and sisters in Scotland and Wales and feel more connected to our common Celtic heritage, than I do to the stereotypical Edwardian idea of Englishness. In my eyes... we are one.

It's like a marriage that is starting to go a sour. The parents argue and the children are forced to choose which parent they wish to go with; whilst the loudmouthed angry nationalists on either side of the fence are quick to boast of their proud choices, they pay little heed to those of us who would feel orphaned by such a choice.... and I'm not talking genetics here (both my parents are of Anglo-Saxon stock), I'm talking about social identity.

Should the day come when a national divorce occurs (and I do not believe such a thing could ever be wrought peaceably), I won't be flying the cross of St. George first and foremost... I will still treasure the Union flag above it...

...even if it means I am the last of the British.

Metamorphosis

Well this is the first chronologically true post I have done for some time. For the past week or so, I have been busy importing - post by post, the best parts of my old blog (well all except a poem entitled "The Jester" which MSN seemingly deleted).

What is quite interesting is that the experience has been very much like being trapped in a cocoon. While a caterpillar lies in the darkness of its chrysalis, there is no external input... it can only be introspective.

In a way, that is what my recent blogging experiences have been like. As I have browsed through nearly two years of blogging, I have been forced to reflect upon the experiences, thoughts and feelings I have publicly shared over that time. The strange thing is, it is almost as if I lay a road before me. Many of the things I shared, I did so to benefit other people who might chance upon my blog and read it. My hope was that I would bless others.

However, I have realised that a lot of the lessons I shared, I have learned or started to learn myself... all over again in new ways. It kind of reminds me of the film Shadowlands (based on the love that grew between C.S. Lewis and Joy Gresham). At the beginning of the film, Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins), lectures people on pain. His words are theologically correct... but through the course of the film, Lewis falls in love with Gresham and is forced to confront deep pain himself when she is diagnosed with cancer and eventually dies.

Sometimes we learn on one level... but have to go back again to learn the same lessons on a deeper, passionate and more intimate level.

Sometimes you can find yourself relearning the same things many times over.

It depends how important the lesson is I guess.

Kicking up a Sentimental Storm

I just wanted to apologise if you have come to my blog in a strange manner.

Article I am tagging are appearing all over the shop in places like Technorati yet they don't appear to be fresh.

What is going on?

Well relax, it's not some technological faux pas... it's me causing trouble as is customary.

Payne by name, pain by nature!

I am gradually going through my old blog at MSN Spaces and migrating my old blogs. You may consider this a waste of time, but I didn't want this place to be a fresh start, I wanted it to be a repository for all my thoughts from when I first started blogging. My MSN Space is pretty useless, by the time the front page loads... any interested party has given up and gone home a long time ago.

I hope the blogger experience will prove faster, more efficient, more fruitful and more importantly... I hope it gives off more of a personal feel. I'm not good at Template design but I steered clear of existing templates because I don't want this place to be something that looks like it's come off a conveyer belt.

So I'm sorry for all the old blogs that are coming in, but while you are here you may as well take a look at them or just browse through my various meanderings.. They chronicle a two year journey of faith and relationships, I've done my best to eliminate dross and have only brought across choice cuts. I felt it was important to give people an opportunity to see what I was like back in time, in order that they may understand who and where I am today.

Have fun poking about the place and normal service will resume shortly.

God bless

N