And Then There Was One...

Up until yesterday, I was not the only Nick working for Retirement Security Limited. As our office is relatively small and employs under 20 staff... it can get confusing at times with emails, faxes, letters and name calls that are usually only addressed by Christian name. The amount of times I received requests to authorize major structural alterations that should have gone to Nick Young - our Property Director, was pretty high... I only signed a few of them off as ok, though! If anyone from work is reading that... don't worry I'm just kidding, I always forwarded them on!

Nick, sadly for us has decided to move onto pastures new. I shall miss the mayhem, and confusion we caused... as well as his immensely dry wit. He's a good bloke!

We had a leaving do after work at The One Elm pub in Guild Street... not only was it a chance to say goodbye, but it provided an excellent opportunity to scoutr out the Stratford-upon-Avon Friday night post work night life that I usually miss.

I shall have to sample this more often.

I loved the atmosphere of the pub. The older staff members felt that the music was too loud... but it was alright for me... they played a good mix of indie, alternative and other stuff both retro/classic and modern. The seating and room sizes were quite intimate and the decor was stylish. We were provided with some vol-au-vents that looked suspiciously like removed appendixes or other minor organs... but actually tasted gorgeously addictive.

I was jokingly accused of hitting on one of the barmaids on account of the fact I thanked her for removing the empties.

Just before leaving I had a few close encounters... it had become quite busy in the main area around the bar, but I needed the loo pretty bad so I chanced the crowds. On the way, I bumped into a young lady from a local firm of estate agents who I had been keen on in the Summer... which was a nice surprise. I had a brief conversation, but decided to get out of there when I realized my conversation style had started to evolve into gibberish.

When I finally got to the loo... I had a mild panic attack. I entered through the white door and found myself in a tight 3ft square white ante-room and had trouble locating which "wall" had the door into the main toilet.

On the way back I had to wait while an entire convoy of punters came past on their way to the back of the pub. I was reclining against a pillar to give them the space to move past, a girl reached out and gently grabbed my tummy as she went past... what was all that about?

Anyway, I got back to the others and headed out of the door bidding Nick farewell... when I return to work on Monday, I shall once more be the only Nick there... I just hope I don't start getting property alteration requests.

Peace for Lilly

Today marked the funeral of tiny baby Lilly: the little girl who was found in the river not far from my church.

I went.

I've never been to the funeral of any child before... let alone a child I've never had any direct contact with.

Nonetheless... I went any way.

I didn't go to gawp morbidly at the tiny white coffin... nor to jump on some sympathetic bandwagon. I went because at the core of my being I fundamentally believe that everyone has the right to have someone say goodbye when they pass away. Every individual counts.

Furthermore, I also believe in my heart of hearts the command that Jesus Christ gave us... to "love your neighbour as yourself". I would not wish to be left alone - unloved and forgotten, should my time come... so why should I leave another to the same fate?

"Love your neighbour as yourself".

Lilly was not afforded the kindness that stems from that commandment in life. Instead... either by accident or brutality, her collar bone and skull were fatally fractured shortly after birth and she was abandoned out of either fear, callousness or neglect in a section of river off the beaten track.

However... in death, the local community resolved to give her the respect and love that she had been robbed of in life.

Lilly had a Christian burial, paid for out of love by kindly locals. Her white coffin was tenderly carried in the gentle loving arms of a local undertaker. Flowers were laid, a headstone will be provided... and 100 mourners turned out to say a loving goodbye to a girl they never knew... I am so proud of the people around me on this day... today - for all their flaws... they got it right in the most amazing and powerful way.

A few moments will stay with me this day. Firstly, a young mother held her own child in her pew just 10 feet away from where Lilly's coffin lay. The contrasting image was not lost on me. Two children... two very different fates, life and death at so tender an age in such close proximity... it moved me.

Secondly, we were invited to pray over the coffin... all of us... to raise our hands and pray - to let God's love, light and peace flow out from within us as a gesture of farewell to the child.

Thirdly as the coffin was led out, several women reached out to touch it. I'm told this is not an unusual custom... but I've never seen it at any of the numerous funerals I have attended. The tactile sympathy shown towards this child warmed my heart.

Fourthly, the internment itself was supposed to be private... but nearly everyone stayed and watched from a distance... and paid some kind of personal respects when they found opportunity. This was only slightly marred by the press taking snapshots of the burial taking place... which sickened me.

What moved me most was the having sensation of the unseen mourner - God himself, all around me. I felt the Holy Spirit in that service... and their was a Spirit of unity among those gathered.

So rest in peace Lilly, you will not be forgotten... you will always be one of us.

A Cautious Launch

Welcome to Nick's Sanctuary.

I've launched this page as an experiment based on my frustrations with using the MSN Spaces Network. The space I have there (accessible from the sidebar), takes forever to load and I'm annoyed at the difficulty people have in posting replies or comments.

So here I am on blogger... lets see how it goes.

This blog doesn't have half the fancy images and widgets that other blogs do... I lack the expertise in that field to do anything flash (pun not intended).

However, I hope you find something of value here... as I gradually introduce you to my style of blogging (if you've visited Nick's Sanctuary already, you know what you are in for).

I guess if I could define this blog, it would be a lot like the Millennium Falcon, which in the words of Han Solo "may not look like much but she's got it where it counts."

So hold on tight this flight may be a bit rough!

Experiment Alpha

Mucking about with CSS

Pushing Back

I've taken another big step to stabilising my finances.

I'd been putting it off for about a week or so... I was afraid of handing that much money over, but I knew it had to be done. I'm now in the situation of having 2 old debts cleared, with just £200 to go on one more... and then my friends, then we can look at finishing off my old car loan.

I've had a couple of minor setbacks - the insurance payout on my car was significantly less than I hoped and insured the car for (they also still demand I pay my monthly installments despite no longer having the car - immoral), and my breakdown cover took a fair bit of money when I severed my transactions with them. Minor setbacks, but they are just the one step back to my two steps forward. I am finally pushing back the boundaries that penned me in for so long.

It just goes to show that dodgy ex girlfriends are very expensive things (note to self - don't go so high maintenance next time, you need looking after too!) and it's been an expensive lesson. I paid the emotional price some time ago... if I hadn't learned those lessons, I don't believe the economic burdens would be lifting now.

I've spoken to the bank and they say that I can switch to a flexi-loan that would enable me to pay off in less than a year.

Awesome!

The emphasis is shifting from the mistakes of the past, to the hopes of the future... which bare founded in God.

I just want to encourage people who think they are in some kind of pit or quagmire at the moment... be that one caused my financial conditions, sin, heartache, depression, sickness... it doesn't always end in tears. I have carried my burdens for over a decade... there were times when it seemed very dark indeed. I couldn't see a way out of a relationship that was draining the life out of me... but God himself paved the way for me to leave.

I felt forlorn because I couldn't see a way to ever get on level terms financially because of my past mistakes. God changed my attitude and circumstances... and here I am coming to the edge of the storm front... the darkness before the dawn. Yes it's been rough, but finally the light at the end of the tunnel is clearly in sight. I feel like I've been at sea for many years and at last the familiar shorelines of home are in view.

It can be done... not just for me... you can be free too You can be restored. God may take his time but he is always faithful.

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm —
my great army that I sent among you.

You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed." Joel 2:25-26

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed!

An Example of the Goodness of God and People Working Together

This story is a little long, but please bear with I I think it's worth it:

A few months ago somebody recommended an autobiographical book to me. It was The Heavenly Man by a persecuted Christian evangelist in China called Brother Yun. I got round to buying this book and reading the first chapter.

Sometime after that (I'm guessing it was when I crashed my car), I lost the book.

A month or so later and it's now last weekend. An Internet friend of mine sends me a package, as a little thank you for the times I've listened and advised over problems. I opened the pack and what was inside? another copy of The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun (Thanks Charlotte).

So at this point I'm already praising God for some awesome goodness! But it's not the end yet... I'm on my way to catch a lift to work on Tuesday. In my bag I am carrying the Brother Yun book and my Bible. It's getting close to the time I need to be picked up, so I break into a jog. Little did I realise that the weight of my Bible bouncing up and down, would force the rucksack open. As I ran down the road I was completely unaware that both my Bible and the other book had fallen out. I am completely surprised at lunch time to get a call from my Mum telling me that a girl had found my Bible and dropped it into the police station... and that a police lady would drop it round later (I put my name and address in the Bible now because my last Bible went walkies at Coventry Cathedral of all places).

I was overjoyed that my Bible had been recovered... but nobody had seen the other book, neither the girl who found my Bible... nor the police lady who walked home along the same route I had taken. I set out to look for the book myself, I left no stone unturned... I looked in bushes, I looked in a skip and I even went downtown to check the charity shops in case anybody had found it and not known what to do with it. It was hopeless though... there was not even a trace of my book.

I felt really bad because not only had I lost the book again... but I had let a friend down.... a friend who out of the goodness of their heart had bought me the book as a gift. Now it happened that they were online when I got home, so I resolved to fess up! When asked if I was alright, I answered "uh uh" but it was misread and they thought I said "uh huh" meaning everything was OK.

Something deep inside me told me to take the conversation as it was and not reveal what had happened. I think I knew deep down that this tale was not over.

The following morning, I was walking to my pick up point feeling a bit pants (to put it mildly). As I passed the police station I see an old lady across the road and in her hand... is the Brother Yun book. I was astounded and overjoyed. The lady didn't appear to have great eyesight and was pretty frail looking... yet somehow, she had seen the book fly out my bag and had gone out to retrieve it. She wasn't fast enough to catch me (now that would have been impressive), so she retained the book in her safekeeping.

She must have sat looking out of her window for a good half an hour looking out for me. So despite losing everything and despite myself, God gave me everything back in that situation.

God is great!

As I didn't have the opportunity to thank the girl who returned my Bible, I decided to buy a Body Shop voucher and have invited her to come to the new Alpha Course that is starting up tomorrow night. Maybe God still isn't finished... maybe he still has work to through all this. Please pray that if this girl needs to hear the Gospel, she will feel motivated to come out of her own free will and curiosity.

Heh heh... I love it when a plan comes together!

Idols & Idolatry

I've had a blog brewing for some time, but I wasn't quite sure what angle to write from.

Various things have motivated me, ranging from a recent visit to a christian message board that was entirely focused on the policies and performance of the Bush administration, to the fact that a friend of mine has recently revealed his faith has fallen by the wayside, and finally even my own recent struggles with sin.

Quite varied subjects that are seemingly unconnected, I think you'll agree... but they all have one thing in common...

... idolatry.

"Eh? How can that be?" I hear you cry.

Lets take a look at what idolatry really is when you get down to the core of it. Idolatry is not just praising sculptures of strange creature like gods, that is merely one aspect but the true nature of idolatry is a lot bigger.

Idolatry is letting anything... ANYTHING become bigger than God, in our hearts.

The christian message board was committing idolatry because they were looking at a man and letting him become bigger than God.

Whatever you think of George W Bush... he is still just a man. Or as I put it on the message board:

"George W. Bush is nothing... but Jesus Christ is EVERYTHING!"

People on that board had stopped encouraging and building one another up... and had begun tearing strips off one another over their politics. This was not constructive, it sent out the wrong message to non-believers and it was potentially damaging to people young in their faith because it drew their gaze away from Christ and into the worries and concerns of this world.

My friend has grown cynical because he works for a nominally Christian company. He feels that his boss takes advantage of him, but more than this... it is the company's Christian customers who are the worst for haggling - they use their mutual faith as a bargaining chip... and so dishonour the God they follow. In both cases, idolatry is at work. My friend has let his view of men and their flaws become bigger in his heart become larger than his view of God... to the point that he can't see past the darkness to experience the light. The Christians who haggle have let money become more important and should careful lest God call it to account.

As to my recent struggles with sin... yes indeed I consider sin itself a form of idolatry. When you commit sin, you take your eyes off God... but it's not just that alone. When you have been convicted of a sin, and you repent... you still struggle with that sin, at least for a time. In fact it is possible to become that hooked up on fighting sin, that you don't regain your focus on Christ. The sin has become an idol because you have allowed your perception of it to cloud your relationship with Christ. In my case, I knew I was in the wrong... but for some silly reason I was afraid to pick up the Bible because I was convinced God was going to blat me over the head with it! However, I knew in my heart what the right course of action was. so I turned to my Bible... and do you know what the passage set down in my notes for that day was? It was this:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I expected a smack on the head and instead found myself being warmly embraced by the arms of God. I should have known better. That is why grace is there... it bridges the gap that separates us from God in the first place... and enables us to remain on an even keel with him, after we have stumbled. As my friend later put it, God rarely has a problem with you when you know what you are and where you have been. It's when you get ideas above your station and think you are something (compared to God)... when you are nothing at all, that he tends to get angry. you can see that in the parable of the pharisee and tax collector.

So I encourage you to think about your own life at the moment... is there something you are struggling with... something that has become bigger in your perception than God? Be it a person, an object of desire, the behaviour of others.... or a sin you struggle with. I urge you to let God's grace sweep in and draw your gaze back to him.

Blessings

Nick