Grappling with God

I genuinely feel positive about the coming year, a lot of the obstacles in my life will fall away next year. It's been kind of like a race where I've started several hundred yards behind everyone else... and 2007 will see me cross the start line!

However, there is one thing that genuinely scares me. I have this feeling that at some point early in 2007, God is going to "call me out".

Over the past few days I have been very worried about a couple of things, which were leading me to feeling trapped and made me fear I was being sent down a road I did not wish to travel. I worried that I might have no choice or as a dear friend of mine once put it, that my only choice might be "eat the poo or don't eat the poo." Basically take what you don't want or go hungry. In the end it was just paranoia and nothing came of it... but I had been so depressed by the concept that I had sat up in prayer for an hour in the middle of the night, voicing my anger and my distress.

I've lately been thinking about the passage in Genesis where Jacob physically wrestles God... actually thinking doesn't nearly describe it, I've been obsessing over it. I've read it a couple of times and I've printed off three different sermons from the Internet concerning it, in the hope of discovering what the personal relevance is for me at this time.

Jacob seemed to be trapped between a rock and a hard place. He was uncomfortable with going forward and he couldn't turn back. He was in such a state, he divided his family, servants and belongings into two groups and sat alone on the banks of the river Jabbok, meditating and praying. God knew what was required and instead of patting him on the back and saying "don't worry Jacob it'll be OK", he materialises in physical form, not far from where Jacob was praying. With no distractions, it's just Jacob and God... so what does Jacob do? He decides to lay the smack down on God.

Not a good plan!

One thing I have in common with Jacob is my tenacity and stubborn nature... I don't give in easily. Jacob was never going to win, but he sure wasn't going to quit. God throws Jacob's leg out of whack to shorten the conflict... and that was the moment of epiphany. Jacob was fighting God for a blessing... but all of a sudden, he was no longer trying to beat it out of God... he was holding onto God in desperation. If he let go, God could have left and not blessed him.

God did bless Jacob in the end, actually he had always blessed him, but from now on Jacob realised that he was dependent on God's blessing and embraced him.

People fear God's sovereignty because they foolishly try to understand it in human terms. If a mortal man were to get absolute power, it would corrupt him absolutely. God is not bound to the same curse as us. You could argue that God was being selfish and unfair by doing what he did to Jacob... but ultimately that encounter benefited Jacob and the whole of humanity. What is good for God in the long run is good for us. Or as the writer of Hebrews put it so eloquently:

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

I have the feeling I'm going to have my nuts busted by God at some point early in the new year... but on the whole I think that'll probably be a good thing. Something I think I really need to learn, is that God's plan for me isn't just a yoke. He isn't just going to lead me into relationships that i have to tolerate... he's going to lead me into green pasture, people and things I can delight in... because ultimately I'm going to need those blessings to help sustain me later on.

To close with, I've embedded the video tribute to Johnny Cash's "God's Gonna Cut You Down", something for us all to think about there I think...

Things to Come

I sadly have not yet had the honour of becoming a parent, knowing the agony and ecstasy of watching something that is a part of you grow up and realising their own personal destiny.

However, I am knowledgeable enough to realise that when a child is born, nobody really knows quite what to expect along the rocky path of pilgrimage that is life on Earth.

Though this is true of every child, it was especially the case with Jesus Christ - not just for his parents, but for all those around him.

When you look at a child it easy to project your own ideas and aspirations about who or what he shall be... because to our eyes a child is an open book.

Even if you take the slightly unsubtle angelic gesture proclaiming the birth of Christ, then just a week into his natural life... Jesus was causing a lot of commotion.

Simeon spoke of him:

"This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too."

I wonder what Mary made of that? As far as we know, it is the first time she had any hint that the life of Jesus would be marked with controversy and suffering.

A short while later and Mary, Joseph and Jesus get a visit from some foreign wise men. They bring gifts "gold for a king", no surprise there... that's in line with what the angel said... Son of David, reigning over his kingdom - no problem. "Frankincense for a priest" - hmm interesting - whatever could that be referring to? After all Jesus was of the tribe of Judah - not Levi. What could it mean? Finally, "Myrrh" for the grave. Now everybody dies... but these gifts were to signify that kingship, priestly virtue and death were to play a major role in Jesus destiny. What could it all possibly mean?

As Jesus grew into a healthy teenager, favoured by God and men... he began to openly recognise the unique nature of his relationship with God in heaven. Hew began to say and do things that made his earthly family uncomfortable.

Eventually as a man, he struck out on his own... pursuing his Father's business, THE Father's business - namely making known the good news of the Gospel message: healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, feeding the hungry, raising the dead, proclaiming the forgiveness of sins and the coming of the Kingdom of God.

Just three and a half years later, his body hung limp on a cross - bruised, battered, cut to ribbons, drained of blood and life.

Just three days after that he was ALIVE. Not just revived, he had gone beyond death and become something so magnificent and wonderful... we can barely grasp the concept.

No one could have seen that coming as he lay gurgling away in the straw of Bethlehem. Who could have seen it?

My Christmas message to you is simply this:

What is Jesus to you? What do you expect from him? Is he merely forever frozen in time and space as an infant fairy tale on a stained glass window? Is he a wise teacher? Or is he the magnificent and wonderful risen Lord who comes to change the destiny of mankind? My challenge to you, whatever you see Jesus as this Christmas... is to let him grow in your heart.

"Don't be afraid!" That is what the angels said to the shepherds... and that is what I say to you. Don't worry about what Jesus will become in your heart, or fret over who or what that will lead you to become. Unleash God in your heart and just wait and see what happens.

God bless and Merry Christmas!

Nick

The morn of Christmas Eve

Today is quite surreal for me. It is Sunday, but my church doesn't have a service this morning, because it's got a midnight service in the evening. It does have a kiddy carol service in the afternoon but the style of that service won't suit me., so I don't feel like walking or cycling 2.5 miles just to go.

There is a service at my hometown church, but I struggle at that church - the prayers and songs are done in very much the kind of style I criticised in my "Madvent" post. I can handle St. Nick's in small dose. As I will be going to the midnight service at that church, I will skip this morning.

So for the first time in a long while I find my self at a loose end on a Sunday morning.

I'm going to spend a little time cooking up a Christmas blog that I shall post later today, but for the most part I shall be chilling out listening to my Last FM radio station or viewing my Myspace profile.

Most importantly I must remember to walk around St. Nicholas church and pray for the midnight service just before going in. It's a tradition I started two years ago. I went to the service with a couple of friends and was embarrassed because the vicar preached about nothing but store loyalty cards - no mention of Jesus whatsoever. St. Nick's is rocky soil, it is very hard for anything to grow there... I should know, it is where my journey of faith started. I have resolved every year since to walk around the church and pray for that service. Do you know what? The past two years I have done this, have had some of the most evangelical sermons I have heard in that church.

I'm also looking forward to going to church with my sister who would probably describe herself as a lapsed Christian. It is fun because she enjoys joining me on my mission of "positive mischief". When it comes to the prayers, she will say them slowly with me, rather than race through them in a single breath like everyone else - for pities sake we are talking to God, not commentating on a horse race! We will both belt out the carols at the top of our voices... and we will both miss out the line of "Once in Royal David's City", that I theologically disagree with.

So apart from having an opportunity to praise God, I also have an opportunity to be a bit of a rogue (albeit for the right reasons), and to have a lot of fun.

Don't be deceived into thinking the Christmas tradition of the Midnight service is dull... if you know what you are doing it is anything but dull.

I Have Seen Him...

Christmas is well and truly coming.

I have encountered the jolly bearded one three times already.

I was typing on the computer when I heard the familiar sound of Christmas carols booming from a loudspeaker... and I lost all conscious thought as a long established childhood instinct took over. My heart stated racing and I frantically ran round looking for my wallet and my camera, the doorbell rang and I race to the door to be greeted by an elf. I made a donation and was given a dairy milk chocolate bar from Santa. You see, every year the local Round Table go round raising money for charity b y towing Santa round all the town streets on a trailer. There is something quite magical about it. For a few short minutes you are transported back through the mists of time until you are that little boy or girl, filled with the excitement of Christmas spirit again (not that I am saying adults cannot get excited... but it is a different kind of excitement).

When Santa had waved and raced past me at a blistering pace of 5 miles an hour, I found my mobile phone and sprinted up the other end of the road and captured him in all his glory:

It's kind of a fun photo because it almost looks as if he is magically teleporting into the street surrounded by a mystical aurora of light.

Earlier in the week I had received an anonymous tip off from an elf that... yes indeed, Santa was going to be visiting my best friend's street the night following his visit to me. Rob set the kids up for an early bath that evening and I stood on sentry duty, watching out for Santa from the back bedroom window.

Sure enough the telltale sound of Elton John's "Get into Christmas" came booming through the streets of Alcester, I sounded the alarm and Rob got his kids ready just in time to see Santa arrive in the close!

The following night, I was walking to the supermarket to get some food when Santa shot past me on his trailer... and he was clearly doing it for kicks. He was stood waving from his trailer as the utility truck that was towing him powered up the Birmingham Road suspiciously close the speed limit.... I hope he didn't get pulled over... what are the odds of Santa not being over the limit?

Actually I have to confess to having delusions about one day being Santa myself. Lets face it, I have the right name and I'm a Christian too which makes me a saint (saints in the correct context aren't men and women in fancy stained glassed windows with shimmering halos, they are just believers in Christ)! So therefore I already am Santa Claus because that is what his name is - Saint Nicholas! The only trouble with this is that I'm not fond of alcohol and I'm nowhere near rotund enough. Below is an image that might give you an idea of what I'd look like if I became Santa... do you think I'm up to the task?

If you don't pass this way again before Christmas... may you have a blessed one.

Is the Bad News Over?

So police have arrested a man - Tom Stephens, over the murder of 5 prostitutes in Suffolk. I have been praying for a swift and accurate resolution to the case since the middle of last week.

I only hope they've got their man.

Earlier the BBC were a little lax with the story and published it on their website with the name, age and photograph of the man held, citing their source. If the man turns out to be innocent and released... what might the BBC say in their defence if the man receives pages and pages of abusive messages on account of their faux pas?

As yet I appear to be the only person who has picked up on this error. I just re-checked the story. They appear to have put the aforementioned image back up now.

My guess though is that the police would not have named him if they weren't confident that this was the man they were after.

In unrelated news, hopes of a resolution to the investigation side of Baby Lilly's death have been raised after the police arrested, questioned and subsequently bailed a South Warwickshire woman on suspicion that she had concealed a birth. Lilly herself rests in peace in Great Alne, at the church I attend. Sadly, it turns out that a 16 year old girl has admitted giving birth to another baby and concealing the birth... resulting in a police search of a quarry in Worcestershire. Twice in one year - this is terrible!

However in all these cases, it would appear that an end is in sight and for that we must be grateful. I will continue to pray about the Suffolk murder enquiry until I feel certain that police have brought the inquiry to a successful conclusion.

A Hard Lesson Relearned

Sometimes you know things on a subconscious level, but you need to be reminded of them in very real ways.

On Sunday I visited a dear friend at a church service she was attending; it was an opportunity to talk about various things and pour out what has been in or on my heart. She was asking me if I'd heard some good news she had come across, which I had... but in truth, that "good" news had been like bitter waters to me.

A friend has been blessed greatly this year... in a way that I have waited patiently for myself for quite some time. It was a bitter pill to swallow because his morality in such matters has from my perspective been rather dubious. Personally I find "all's fair in love and war" to be a principle that is greatly at odds with "love your neighbour as yourself", but without going into the details, lets just say he never saw a problem in living by both attitudes... at least not around me.

Some times we have a right to be angry... but just because anger is righteous under certain circumstances, it doesn't mean we should always embrace it. We would be justifiably angry if we were smacked in the face and yet Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. If Jesus had reacted to righteous anger all the time he felt it, he would never have died for us. Is there anything under the sun that is more worthy of righteous anger than the torture and murder of the innocent? If Jesus could turn aside his anger at being unfairly punished at human hands... should we not do the same for the comparatively much smaller things that irk us?

God convicted me on the way back home on Sunday, whilst riding the bike in the pouring rain. While I mulled over the anger I felt, he put a scripture in my heart it was from the parable of the Prodigal Son:

"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'" Luke 15:28-30

I was acting just like that older brother. "Ah! but", I protested "The prodigal son was repentant when he was blessed, I don't feel that has happened". Then God laid on my heart one of my heroes from the Old Testament - Josiah. Josiah's father and grandfather were deeply dodgy men... godless men in fact. Yet God in his wisdom blessed these men with a line of succession. Why not cut off evil men where they stand? Well, if God had done that... Josiah would never have been born and the reforms that held back judgement from Judah for a generation, would never have taken place.

I have repented of my anger and there has been a marked difference in my attitude to the person who wounded me. I have been much more civil... it may not be deserved, but God requires it of me nonetheless.

When Jesus commanded us to love our enemies he said that God makes the sun and rain fall on good and evil men alike. As you live your daily life, you will discover that both good and ball, wonderful and terrible things happen to both the righteous and unjust. Instead of trying to consider whether we or other people are getting our just desserts... we should remember that the big story is not about us. As Shakespeare said:

"All the world's a stage,And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts"

Here is the conclusion of the matter. God is sovereign and his love is unconditional. He has mercy on whom he has mercy and he has compassion on whom he has compassion. By his sovereign choice he blesses who he will, whether they be unrepentant or righteous. In his wisdom he knows the good that will come eventually. Nothing is wasted.

For those of us who still wait for the sweet gentle rain of blessing to kiss our lands; we should remember what the Father said in the story to the older son who felt grieved by waiting, while his disobedient brother was blessed:

"My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours."

Madvent!

Today marks the first Sunday in the Church Calendar.... it is the start of a new year - Advent Sunday.

Needless to say everybody at church ended up running around like headless chickens because various things went missing. The prayer for the lighting of the advent ring couldn't be found. Rather than see this as a difficulty, I chose to see it as an opportunity. So I grabbed the service sheet, a pen and pad and then decided to invent my own advent prayer:

Jesus - Light of the World, you stepped down into the darkness of our lives and came to transform us with your love. As we light this candle, help us to remember with thanks that you came to save us by your death and resurrection; and looking forward , prepare our hearts for your glorious return. Increase our love and strengthen our hearts that we may be blameless in your sight. In your name we ask this. Amen.

Despite the fact the "official" prayer was found, we still used mine as well. It sounds like it may well be used again in the coming weeks. The ironic thing here is that I'm normally opposed to liturgy, and yet a simple prayer I created as a one off, now looks like it may well become a form of "unofficial" liturgy.

I should add that it's not liturgy itself I resent, some of the words are quite inspirational. What I'm resentful of is the habit in traditional churches of following the same pattern of service and using the same prayers over and over again. Prayers should not be recited parrot fashion, they should be from the heart. In services dominated by liturgy, it becomes so easy to flick an unconscious switch and drift off into autopilot mode. This is saddening because if you listen to people do this, they sound like something from popular culture... a race of automatons without feeling, emotion or individuality...

That's right, when I hear people praying without passion it sounds like the Borg. If you say a creed, don't murmur it... it is supposed to be the core of what you believe... not just fancy writing on a page. As for the Lord's Prayer... I wouldn't dare pray that without considering the awesome nature of the words. Just go away and think about what each line actually means and you will see what I mean. It CANNOT be prayed lightly.

I want to challenge people over how they worship. The things you are passionate about as a person, define you? What are you passionate about? Where do your passions lie? Do you reach down into the very depths of your soul and... no matter what you find there, pour it out in the way you express things? Though a stroke of the brush does not guarantee fine art, I firmly believe that everyone is an artist. We each have the capacity to be passion ate about things... and to convey that passion through speech, song, paintings, poetry and praise and worship.

Dare we be anything less? I'd like to encourage people to make a new resolution... to pour everything out from the core of their being... the pain, the elation, the joys the sorrows, the agony and the ecstasy.

It is our passion that reveals what we care about. Lets show it.

Debtwatch 2

Walked into the bank.

The outstanding loan figure this morning stood at £2862.50 (after interest). I walked into the bank and pulled out a sawn off shot... ahem I walked into the bank and transferred £300 from savings and £200 from a work bonus I received and transferred it to the flexiloan. At close of play tonight, £310 will transfer as normal onto the loan and despite interest going on, the simple fact remains that I have by the grace of God practically clobbered two months off my final repayment time.... HUZZAH!!!!!

According to my calculations, this will bring me towards a completion date of 1st August.

This month is a real acid test though. I have drained my resources down as far as I dare. Christmas is coming and I have friends and family to take care of...

...oh yes and one rogue tooth that requires a filling on Tuesday.... fun fun fun! Still at least I'll get half a day off work. Oh and may I say a special thank you to my father who decided to watch a spy thriller where some thugs did a DIY dentistry session on some poor bloke using nothing more sophisticated than a Black & Decker power drill!!!!!!!

I have three weeks left before I break up for the New Year, a new year full of hope and promise already.

I estimate that if I have the will to, over the next six months I can push to bring that clearance date forward by two more months. However, realistically I need to make sure I have enough money to pay my way at Scripture Union camp next year. I think I might save up for one more definite advance payment and then see how I fare over the remaining course.

Anyway, just signing off my second report as to how God is continuing to bless me in my attempts to get back on financial level terms.

Again I want to encourage and remind you that whatever millstone is hanging round your neck... emotional, financial, sinful, physical, mental... it is not too heavy for God to take off of you if you let him.

On a much lighter note, here is a pic of the present I've got Benji.... I can't stop pressing the eye laser button. The battery will be flat by Christmas at this rate.

Loan balance as at 1st December 2006: £2052.50

Revelations from a Quiet Place

It's taken me some time, but I'm now ready to share the profound experience I had on my birthday with you. It's taken on new significance since I saw the latest episode of Lost, where Locke enters a sweat lodge to communicate with the island.

I woke up on Tuesday and opened my cards. One of them was handmade by Jenni and contained a verse from Psalm 37. Another card from Rob, Susan, Benji and Katy was based on one of Rob's paintings and was called shine, it has a man standing with arms outstretched on a sunny hilltop beside a tree.

"Shine" by Rob Barley

I am certain that Rob had remembered a conversation we had had earlier about my desire for a late November birthday where the sun was shining and leaves were still on the trees.

Rob telephoned me later and suggested that I might like to visit one of my "thinking places". I looked out the window and saw that I had been blessed with a sunny day after all... and there were indeed leaves on the trees. So I packed my Bible into my bag and headed off up to Cold Comfort Lane. Now most of my old thinking places are long overgrown from my childhood days, but as time has gone on I've been fortunate to find new ones opening up. Thinking places for me are small and subtle. They normally follow a simple format... a strong tree next to a gentle brook that is slightly off the beaten track. Such places are a good place for me to hammer out things that are on my heart, mind and soul. If you don't have one... I strongly recommend you find yourself one. They have proved invaluable to me in the past.

Anyway, after about 15-20 minutes, I reached my destination and sat myself down on a large knotted root of an oak tree. I entered a short period of prayer and allowed myself to be immersed in the Holy Spirit before reading out Psalm 37, it's a long one so I'll pull out the most relevant points:

"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause
like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when
men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. "

and...

"Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of
peace. "

Both these scriptures are very relevant to me at the moment. I have seen people receive earthly blessings that they have not lived up to a standard of having been worthy to receive... and yet I remain untested... still a sapling while their trees blossom. However, I feel God is acknowledging my feelings but saying that I should not let the success of such people become a distraction. God has a plan for me and he has clearly already begun it. I should spend what time there is enjoying my relationship with him. When the time comes, when everything starts to kick off... all those needs will be provided for.

I just need to remain at peace with God and myself and the circumstances I find myself in... until the time is right.

It just goes to show, that you only have to allow yourself to be available to God ina quiet moment... and he can reveal so much to you.... though don't expect it to be what you want - that is arrogance. Instead, expect it to be what you need - that is obedience

For those of you who found all that a little heavy going, here is a picture of me as drawn by my godson Benji...

"Uncle Nick" by Benji Barley

Not good... definitely not good!

Being a bright and optimistic soul, I want to share with you a positive experience I had on Tuesday (it was my birthday... but that was not the reason, it was merely the catalyst). However, before I do that I need to clear some of the crud out the way... as I don't want it to taint that post. So I've decided to dedicate this brief post to a couple of negative things - just to get them out of my brain. Do not worry, this is not drastically bad... I just want to close the book on them.

Right then. Lets kick off!

1. My X Rays came back from the dentist and it appears I have a cavity. Now despite the fact I haven't needed anything doing for light years... and the fact that within the past 2 years I have completely come off fizzy drinks and cut down on sugary foods... it appears I'm going to have to have some work done.
   
2. Warwickshire County Council have waited a staggering almost half a year before informing me that I need to pay for the clean up of a tiny patch of oil after I wrote my antiquated car off in July. They make it out be the Exxon Valdez disaster when in actuality what was deposited was minuscule... and had dirt put down over it by myself at the time. Apparently they sent in a clean up crew out of hours (unnecessary as it wasn't even on a main A or B road). The total amounts to £188.32 - nice! Furthermore I am highly suspicious at the length of time it has taken them... have they deliberately waited until the season of goodwill to have an opportunity to urinate on my yuletide log? Or maybe, just maybe I'm paying for the Senior Accountant's Christmas Party! I'm not eliminating either scenario.
   
3. Finally, I decided to treat myself to a Chinese on Tuesday to celebrate my birthday... unfortunately the humble meal that appeared to be chicken fried rice, evolved into something far more deadly within my bowels... and despite a noble effort by myself to go to work the next day... I was sent home looking greyer than a rainy Thursday afternoon in winter. Let me just say I'm going to spare you from the gory details.

Now in an effort to remain optimistic and not get bogged down by that crud... here are the things I have to say in response to these meagre obstacles.

1. When I rang up the dentist to rebook I was told it was likely only a fifteen minute job and not prohibitively bad. As I will have just finished paying my insurance for my car (how bizarre is that... I'm paying for a car I no longer possess?), the amount should probably be equivalent... so although it doesn't improve my finances it certainly doesn't look like it'll do me in for Christmas.
   
2. Ah yes, talking of insurance... seeing as the County Council are a third party... I can't see how my insurance provider can wriggle out of this one. It seems fitting, as when they paid out on my car... they ignored all the evidence I gave them about it's condition and refused to negotiate on a woefully poor payout price. If push comes to shove, I should have it covered... but I have no intention of letting them pull a fast one on me.
   
3. I have always been blessed with a decent constitution... and after having 14 hours of solid rest... I was up and running again - even playing chase with my 4 year old godson. Nature of Nick is irrepressible. Needless to say though, that when I go out tonight to celebrate my birthday with a few mates... we won't be stopping off at a takeaway.

OK I've emptied the rubbish and I've answered it too! That leaves the way clear for me to talk about good stuff.

Blessings for now.

Nick.

Grey Rights

Why is it that society is changing in such a way that anything exclusive must be evil?

I am writing of course, in response to the news that the Christian Union at Exeter University has become embroiled in a legal battle over it's membership and enrolment criteria. Now call me what you will, but I believe that if an organisation exists for a specific purpose that fundamentally defines it's very identity, then it has every right to take steps to protect the factors that decide the nature of it's existence.

It is considered rude and bad form to attend a restaurant - be it Indian, Chinese, Thai, Mexican, Italian or French... and demand an English dish. You go to those places to partake in their unique flavour and cultural offerings, you don't go to subject them to your own bland demands... or at least you shouldn't. Why should it be any different for religion or gender for that matter?

Why do we all have to go into the cosmic blender and become congealed into a morass of grey blandness? Sometimes I look at other blogs that are emblazoned with the "Embrace Diversity" banner... and I wonder what the authors understand by that statement? I am sure they fall into two groups. There are those who believe that diversity is about believing everything in culture is equal without question... that we should all have a shared morality that encompasses all belief. There are also those who believe that everybody is equal and entitled to their beliefs... but do not necessarily believe that all those beliefs in themselves are equal. I'm more inclined to believe the latter. I think we can learn from one another's beliefs... but I feel we are wrong when we try to supplant our own agenda (be it liberal or conservative) into a belief system. Don't get me wrong... I have nothing against using examples from one religion to suggest that in actuality it is pointing to another... but to actually change a people's religious practices without them changing their religion... isn't conversion, it is just hybridization.

In a couple of earlier posts I've pointed out that I don't think it's right to expect non-Christians to have to comply with Christian standards if they don't subscribe to the faith. Now I'm turning the argument on it's head. I am defending Christianity's right to maintain it's own standards in the face of outside cultural pressure. I don't want to force my culture on humanity... but I expect humanity to share that same level of respect for my culture. I don't want people who have no interest in a relationship with Jesus Christ... dictating the terms of religious doctrine to me - that is irrespective of whether such people are conservative or liberal.

True diversity lies in accepting and respecting people despite what differences you may share.

If we are going to start accusing people of discrimination on the basis of exclusivity... then I am going to start using ladies toilets... it is discriminative to ban men from any toilet on the basis of their gender. Of course I'm not serious... I only intend to illustrate how ludicrous it is to legislate such things.

Poppycock!

I decided to leave this blog until after Remembrance Sunday, because although it relates directly to the subject of remembrance... I did not want to cross swords on that day.

Basically I have been very annoyed at the tactics of Ekklesia, a Christian think tank. I have grown very cynical over the precise nature of think tanks... and I am especially skeptical about the motives of think tank organisations that purport to be speaking out from a Christian perspective - "my own backyard".

Why?

I feel that these organisations are ego driven, attention getting monstrosities... they seek to make a name for themselves and bend society towards their own particular ideologies. What has angered me recently is this story, reported by the BBC last week.

I believe Ekklesia have deliberately and (conveniently for themselves) missed the point. By making anti-poppy statements in the days prior to Remembrance Sunday, they must have known that they would easily spotted on the political radar. Essentially they have stated that the poppy detracts from the Christian message because as a symbol, it implies that redemption can be achieved through military sacrifice.

I can't understand how anyone would seriously believe that. For me, the poppy has always been about remembering the heavy price that men and women have paid in the past... to safeguard the freedoms I have in the temporal world. Their sacrifice holds no meaning for me in terms of eternal salvation... nobody would claim it did... least of all the servicemen, many of whom came back with precious little to hold on to in this life. I know of a Burma veteran who when he arrived back in his hometown, fell out of his taxi and grasped the church gates to regain his footing. Emotionally that man never let go of his desperate hold on those gates... he endured terrible sufferings - but he knew there was a man - Jesus, who lived and suffered unjustly on account of him... and that helped sustain the veteran until he died.

I believe Ekklesia callously did this to make a name for themselves, just like Christian Voice did several years ago. They have conformed to the pattern of this world in their desperate and cynical cries for attention.

I have always remembered the price that was paid for me so that I could live with temporary earthly freedoms.

I will never forget the price that was paid for me so that I could live in eternal freedom with God my Father.

A longstanding tradition of mine during Remembrance Day is to misquote Churchill and use it as an opportunity to remember Christ's sacrifice. Jesus is the Man of Sorrows and is familiar with all our sufferings... sufferings that men who lay down their lives in defence of freedom, to a certain degree share. I will never confuse the differences in magnitude between those sacrifices... no matter what similarities they may share.

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."

"Never in the field of human history was so much owed by so many to one man."

The Fate of Tyrants

Today marked one of those odd days when I found myself agreeing with Tony Blair... it really doesn't happen very often, I assure you... but when it comes to capital punishment I stand in vehement opposition alongside him. Whether that is Saddam Hussein... or some unknown offender

I know many will disagree and ask how could anyone allow a man who has overseen such vile atrocities to live?

Personally I do not believe that the taking of life does anything to satisfy the terrible injustice of losing loved ones... however numerous the body count may be. Furthermore I cannot understand how any Christian can condone the organised extermination of the unsaved. Where is the spiritual logic?

God clearly asks (rhetorically):

"Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?"

Ezekiel 18:23

and in the same passage says:

"Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and
a new spirit. Why will you die, O house of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!"

Ezekiel 18:31,32

It seems to me that a lot of people on the religious right do not share this attitude... and this where I have a problem with them. By shortening any human beings life on account of their sin, you deny them opportunity to repent of their sins. It' almost as if they WANT to play eternal executioner... kill them now that they may get what is coming to to them from God quicker. this is out of step with the attitude of Christ... we should not seek the premature death of anyone, it is an abhorrent desire and it casts us in a similar vein to the monsters we despise. We are better than this and we should seek every opportunity to demonstrate it.

However, "Ah" you say... "men who commit such unspeakable acts are incapable of turning from their sin!"

Is that just personal prejudice speaking? Or do you have anything to back that up? I would argue the weight of history does not favour that argument. I have done some research into this and discovered that of all the Nazi war criminals who were tried at Nuremberg... there were a handful - seven or eight, who claimed to have repented of their atrocities. They did not do this to escape death (though not all them received that sentence), in fact those that were executed did not resist the fate that was to befall them... they acknowledged their wrongs and knew that the people of Earth could not tolerate the awful things they had done.

Perhaps that argument isn't strong enough... perhaps we need to hear something from the "horse's mouth". Read these words from the Japanese war criminal Hayashi Sadahiko:

"I was not forced to join the Kempeitai (military police). I was asked and urged to join. when I was first made to treat men cruelly, I hated it. At my first turn of duty I loathed it. The second time, it did not feel so bad. On the third time I hardly felt it. After that I said to myself, 'They aren't people! They're just things! Things!'
I did not care what I did to them. Now I must die, and I'm only thirty-two years old. It isn't men who are punishing me. This is heaven's punishment. God cannot forgive me! I've been too wicked - too cruel - the spirits of the dead curse me! Yet I cannot die. The spirits of the tortured are waiting to pounce on my soul and tear me to
pieces. I'm terrified of dying - but when will it be?"

One woman - a missionary called Miss Henty, was burdened by the Spirit for this man... when she read this account and somehow managed to wrangle the authorities into letting her visit him. She pleaded with him for quite some time (despite I might add having initial misgivings about what she had been asked to do herself), using the example of Paul... who described his own evil and subsequent redemption in these terms:

"Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners — of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would elieve on him and receive eternal life."

1 Timothy 1:13-16

However, Hayashi could not see past his despair... past those demons of the past and the "ghosts" of those he had mistreated. Sometimes he felt they were strangling him. Time was running out for this man, there were weeks before his execution. Miss Henty was growing desperate. She prayed that God would reveal himself to Hayashi in the same way that he had to her... the night she was led to believe in Christ as her saviour - through a vision at night.

When next she visited Hayashi, the change was remarkable. He was radiant... during the night he had received a very profound and real experience of Jesus Christ. Subsequently he was baptised and took the name Paul... for the last week of his life. These are the last words he wrote... a letter:

To the Christians of the World

It is a fact that within this world of men, there is a world of God's Spirit. those who do not believe this fact cannot understand it. These clever men of this world, men of wisdom in this world, are all foolish. All men have weak bodies; they believe death to be terrible. I would like to continue life's journey, giving body and spirit to God, never for a moment forgetting my repentance. In this world there are billions of men. All die less than a hundred years old. Only those who know God's Spirit, those who know heaven, only the Christians... see the Spirit of God as a reality. They fear nothing... not even death. It is the will of God that I should die at 32, but Christ is with me to the last. I am filled with joy. I know the happiness of death. I believe that my execution today is a punishment from heaven given by God.

Since I, Hayashi, have become Paul, I think like a Christian, my happiness is to become a spirit and pray. Although a man may live to become 70 without knowing thankfulness to God, he does not know even the preciousness of seven days of knowing God. Christians sing in church as larks sing in the Spring, as angels sing. As you study my death you will clearly see that God's Spirit has been working. God has forgiven me - I who have sinned so deeply.

Moreover I do not fear execution. Through it I pray that peace may come to the world.

It IS possible for men and women who commit atrocities to know salvation. I have shaken the hand of one of the Kray Gang - Chris Lambrianou, a man who did terrible things in the name of organised crime... but who came to know Jesus Christ in jail and who know works to rehabilitate people who suffer from the effects of of crime that he benefitted from. Sometimes there are consequences in this life for the things we do, but that does not exempt us from the opportunity to know God and receive his grace.

My personal preference for Saddam Hussein would be to have him personally repatriate the bodies of Kurds and people he had killed. Condemn him to manually dig proper graves for all those people until the day of his death.

When the day comes for Saddam Hussein to die, I shall not rejoice. He is an evil and despicable man... but I shall pity him should he deny himself the opportunity to get himself right with the one true God before his flame is extinguished.

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

There's a lot to be said for making the 2.5 mile journey to church on foot... you become aware of things that if you had rushed in a car, you'd never have experienced.

I was praying for forgiveness for various things I've done... and for finding it hard to see past my frustration in waiting on God with regard to relationships. It was at this during this, that a secular song popped in my head again... it's been doing it all week (somebody seriously needs to put some more money in my mental jukebox). The song is "Sunshine on a Rainy Day" by Zoe... here's a sample of the basic lyrics (minus chorus repeats):

I see you in the darkness
I see you in the light
I see your eyes shining
In through the night
Make me feel, make me feel
Like I belong
Don't leave me, you won't leave me here
All Alone

Cast your eyes
Like summer skies
Blue earth and the ocean
Clearer than the skies, yeah!

Sunshine on a rainy day (sunshine)
Makes my soul, makes my soul trip, trip, trip away
Sunshine on a rainy day (sunshine)
Makes my soul, makes my soul trip, trip, trip away

You touch me with your spirit
You touch me with your heart
You touch me in the darkness
I feel it start
Make it feel, make it feel
So Unreal (so unreal)
Like a wind in the desert
Like a moon on the sea

I felt very strongly that God was telling me that this is my current situation. I'm having a rainy day over relationships... it's been tipping it down. However, I also felt God was calling me to look at the fact that things are moving... he is bringing me to a place where I can appreciate the things he has to give. What he is currently doing with my finances is the sunshine to my rainy day... it is the sign that the weather is passing, the clouds are gradually rolling back and the warm rays of sunlight are gently bathing my face.

I felt that God was saying that I'm not in a place where I can eat milk and honey yet... but that I'm in a place where he is feeding me manna and quail. I could let that get me down, like the Israelites did... but the fact is that in some ways it's more of a blessing to be fed in the wilderness... than to be in a land flowing with milk and honey. With the former you are being hand fed by God... he's taking care of you. With the latter, it is easy to become conceited and think that the things you've received are solely by your own efforts. It is also possible to get so wrapped up in blessing, that you lose sight of God, who is the very source of every blessing we receive. When we receive gifts... it is not the gift we should value most, but the giver.

I feel that reminding myself of what God is giving me in the short term, is the perfect response to the current frustration I am wrestling with.

Have you ever exerienced how sometimes how God can lift a scripture out of it's original context, in order to speak to you where you are? I had that today. I read the words "sit at my right hand until I put your enemies under your feet." In the original context, this was King David overhearing God the Father talking to Jesus. However, I believe God used this in telling me to rest in him and wait for him to finish his work with my finances. before gallavanting off on some hare-brained romantic venture.

I am going to try and draw a line under this entire episode. Each months debtwatch is now a signpost to my own personal promised land. Every time I suffer temptation or frustration I will try to remind myself of this.

Emotional Conflict

One of my old problems has flared up again... I don't know why; maybe it is a seasonal thing, maybe it's the weather... maybe I'm just plain tired. Every so often I hit a wall... a time when I feel the pinch of walking the road I'm on and glance up to the things I hope and long for... and solemnly sigh at them still being unfulfilled.

It's been a while since I've had a proper girlfriend... heck did I EVER have a proper girlfriend for that matter? I effectively had a seven year solitary confinement sentence once, but that was all give, give and no take... a very sorry and parasitical state of affairs. I have waited patiently and resisted the temptation to move rashly... and sometimes that temptation has been sore. I know I'm not designed or cut out for solitary existence and I know the time will come when these days will end... but sometimes it really does hurt.

To quote a biblical sentiment that U2 echoed in on of their hits... how long must I sing this song?

I feel like I did when I climbed Great Gable the other week... having got over one peak, it was so disparaging to look across at a higher one and be told we hand to go down into a valley and climb up again even higher than before.

When you kill off the locusts that eat your crops, the land can still look barren for a long time to come. The important thing to remember is that the seeds of the new season grow silently beneath the seemingly desolate surface, and long before you see the green shoots of restoration and revival... strong sustaining roots are being put down deep into the fertile soil, where you cannot see it.

I think the most recent pangs I have experienced have come from a sense of "if I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor" to quote the band James. There are a couple of girls I'm keen on... one, far away and one close by. The former probably doesn't give me a second thought and probably just sees me as a helpful but eccentric soul on the all too rare occasions we have met. The other I barely know and don't really get much chance to rub shoulders with. I'm trying to get back into the habit of praying for them... no, not praying for them to be mine... I mean just praying for them... for God's protection, influence and blessing to be upon them. The way I see it you may as well turn these feelings into something constructive.

I would appreciate people's prayers on this one. I'm feeling especially vulnerable at the moment and I have struggled to overcome some inner adversity. Lately I have the feeling that the journey in this area is too much for me.

Debtwatch 1

As promised here is my first update on the continuing saga of my financial redemption. I'd like to restate my deeply held belief that it is by God's grace and empowerment that I am making progress... not my own financial acumen (which is woefully poor).

I'm going to hold a few bits of information back, as strictly speaking they relate to next month. As it stands though the first amount of interest has been added, and the first repayment has been made. I see this month as an acid test, because I still have an outstanding insurance payment to make on my car, a visit to the dentist and a haircut to take into account... so it is likely to be the month with the most expenditure.

Things to take into account during November are likely to include my birthday (hooray!), a work bonus and of course the looming shadow of Santa Claus's sack as we approach Christmas.

So without further ado:

Balance Prior to first repayment: £3,137.91
Current balance on loan: £2,827.91
Current finances in reserve: £200.00

The Trouble with Secularism

The other day I blogged about the curiously misunderstood relationship between politics and Christianity. Lo and behold in the week following, there has been a flurry of debate concerning the future role of Christianity in the state of Britain. It comes in the wake of an Evangelical Alliance think tank publishing their views about Prince Charles' desire to be "Defender of Faith" not just "Defender of the Faith", you can read about the story here.

So where do I stand in all this?

I want to go back to something I said in that earlier post I referred to:

Christianity is not about using political power and statutory authority to
enforce belief among non-believers. Do I believe God is calling all of humanity
to righteousness? Yes of course... but at the end of the day, every person has
to choose salvation for themselves... you can lead a horse to water but you
can't make it drink!

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want everyone in this land to know the love of Christ and accept his as their God... and I'd be disappointed if the people of this nation become stiff-necked and heart hearted and rejected God. However, if the people in their free will choose to do that... I don't believe in forcing them back by rule of law.

In fact, were Charles to get his way, I'd actually see it as an opportunity for the Church of England to get itself right before God. At the moment, because it is the state religion, the CofE has to take a broad view on many things. Due to the pressures put on it by its role as part of the state, it is not free to be what God would shape it to be. It can't be controversial.... because it has to be inclusive of every man woman and child of this nation. What is more, the higher echelons of the Church of England's infrastructure are shackled under secular authority. Every bishop or archbishop you see, is vetted by the Prime Minister... in the past I was ignorant of such things, but when Tony Blair came into power... he took the role much more seriously than other PM's. As I mentioned before, Blair's brand of Christianity appears to be a highly compromised one... which is inclusive of and contaminated by other religious philosophies. It's disturbing when somebody of that caliber starts moving his yes men into positions of authority within the church.

You may ask what right has a religion to force it's views on the state? A fair question... and you already know my answer to that. I in turn now ask you what right the state has to interfere in matters of faith and doctrine?

The strongest advocate of secularism in the UK is unsurprisingly the National Secular Society. - an organization that I have special vitriol for. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with people choosing atheism or humanism as an option... but the NSS is a different creature. In the past, it has lobbied the UN to pursue a "Freedom from Religion" policy instead of the current UN policy of "Freedom of Religion". What that basically means is that religion being a personal thing, could only be exercised in the home or a place of worship. Speaking in a public forum on religious matters would be illegal... which technically I would assume would class this blog as illegal too.

Now the National Secular Society boasts being made up of the greatest atheistic/humanistic minds of our generation... people like Professor Richard Dawkins. With all this grey matter at their disposal, I would have thought the fundamental flaw of their argument was obvious. By pressurize governments and the UN for such a proposal, they become the very monster they have accused organized religion of being. They are trying to force people to comply to their own narrow minded point of view.

Not subscribing to a religion doesn't make you objective in your arguments here... because you are still expressing a point of view. Atheism, agnosticism, and humanism are subjective. It is therefore wrong for people who follow those paths, to impose a gagging order on people who think differently. Do we really want to walk down the footpath that China and North Korea have walked along for so long? I think not. Freedom of religion works fine. The National Secular Society should learn to grow up and shut up on such issues... and put their minds towards more productive matters.

The Bible says that Faith without deeds is dead... but I would say that the same goes for Reason. If you have been gifted with intelligence, use it to benefit God (should you believe in him) and/or mankind. Don't use the talents you have been given to further a paranoid agenda.

Returning from the Lakes

Well I'm back... and what's more, I'm relatively unscathed. I will post photographs shortly but I am waiting for a few from a mate who is still on holiday. Here is a brief run down of events as I perceived them:

Friday 13th October
Set off about 4:45 from Alcester after being picked up by Mike... who was driving his father's car (which incidentally received a good, sound thrashing with a horse chestnut branch by Rob's 2 year old daughter - Katie). The journey was for the most part uneventful... I tried to wave at pretty ladies passing by in other cars on the motorway, purely to bide the time... but alas I was stuck on the driver's side and we stayed on the right for extensive periods. We arrived in millom at 9.30pm ate a sandwich and turned in. Curiously for me, I had no trouble sleeping.

Saturday 14th October
We awoke to a glorious sunny day and decide to do potentially the toughest walk first... a steep ascent up Kirk Fell... something like 10 meters vertical for every meter forwards. When we got to the top I was relieved, but then we looked across to Great Gable whose summit was shrouded in mist... and we decided to ascend that too. I don't know about you, but the way I tackle mountains psychologically is to remind myself that you go up and that is as worse as it gets... then it's all downhill (which I find easy). I found the next bit hard going because we descended into a valley quite sharply... only to come back up again at a similar rate to before. I think my brain was shot to hell and back because I was finding it hard to go upward... however having reached the top I found it an easy descent... and was teased horribly by Rob because several girls we came across on a couple of occasions were eyeing me up at various points on the way down... much to Mike's chagrin (poor old Mike thought I was irrepressible enough as it was), still I did enjoy the attention... and it did take my mind off the seemingly arduous climb I had endured. On the way down it was unbearably hot... the sky was sapphire blue and the sun beat down on us. We couldn't believe it was the middle of October, it felt more like midsummer. We went to the pub for our first evening meal. A wonderful pub outside of Millom called the King William - worthy of a plug for it's wonderful atmosphere and even more wonderful food. The landlord and his family are quitting this year... so if you want to sample the delights of real food... go now, while you still can. There is a nice, warm and friendly atmosphere and if you can bare the odd coarse joke... you will find it a pleasant refuge and according to Mike (our resident real ale drinker) a good local brew! We discovered that a small chapel we passed on the way back to the car (during the walk), was the burial place of British expeditionary mountaineers. Originally the church had not been used for burial purposes due to the presence of what the landlord called "evil spirits" (I find it amazing that people of the rural north are a lot more matter of fact about such things than other people elsewhere.... they just take it for granted as an everyday occurrence where most people just view it as superstition). With a hearty meal of cajun chicken followed by sticky toffee pudding inside me I headed for bed.

Sunday 15th October
A much more relaxing walk occurred on this day... up to the Heart of Fell. It was my kind of walk as we had plenty of variety. Yes, we had the climbs... but we also had to traverse woodland, brooks and streams. We got to the summit and looked down through the haze at the tiny villages below. We could just about make out the remains of the Roman Hard Knot Fort... I was amazed that something similar to that once stood in my hometown. The decent down was an interesting one. Mike went over on his foot and had a slight twinge... I'm lucky in that respect, my feet turn over quite often... but they never seem to pick up injury when they should be thrown out of whack. The second event was my attempt to emulate Bruce Banner's transformation into the Hulk. As we came down to a treacherous path there was a distinct tearing sound - a flaw in the fabric of my new trousers had resulted in them tearing from knee to groin! I had to wait until we were on the flat ground below, before I could get my waterproofs on over the top of them. Fortunately we did not pass anyone coming up the other way... and far more importantly it was yet another warm day. Dinner this evening consisted of salmon steak and apple pie for pudding. Mike's had been specially crafted with an "M" due to a comment made in jest at his expense the night before... he dared NOT have apple pie.

Monday 16th October
The day got off to a wondrous start. My TARDIS alarm on my mobile phone woke me up as usual; however, I noticed that Rob was still beneath me in the bunk below. Not wanting to unduly disturb him I reached for my phone on the shelf opposite... bad move. I pawed the air two or three times but became unbalanced and fell right out of the top bunk. there was a loud thud... so loud that Steve (downstairs in the kitchen) had thought the entire bunk had tipped over. In fact, I had actually crashed to the ground head first... my cranium absorbing the entire force of impact. Unusually I was facing the opposite way to the way I flipped.... a mystery have still been unable to fathom. Miraculously there were no injuries... although some would no doubt argue that where there is no sense, there is no feeling. 90 minutes later and I was clambering up Black Combe Fell, the oldest peak in the area. The rest of the day passed without incident and I went o bed after consuming lamb in redcurrant and rosemary sauce, followed by the now almost obligatory sticky toffee pudding.

Tuesday 17th October
Today we decided to explore the woodland outside of Millom which was fun for various reasons... especially when we reached a perimeter fence for a quarry. At first it felt like we were in Narnia because we kept stumbling across seemingly random lamppost in the thin wood. Eventually we passed by the quarry - which both Rob and myself started getting James Bondesque feelings about... as we gazed over the wooden fence, you could easily imagine Ernst Stavro Blofeld having a secret base beneath the surface. As we followed the woodland away from the quarry, it started to get all ethereal and enchanted. It felt like something out of the 80's ITV series Robin of Sherwood... in fact, I swear I saw Hern the Hunter more than once... but maybe I was still hallucinating from the blunt force trauma to the head from the previous morning. Mike was suddenly possessed by an urge to run (this isn't a mike like thing to do) and sprinted ahead of Rob to the top of a tower... and collapsed. We had our lunch atop the platform and headed back to the town. On the way down, Mike again took a tumble and injured his foot... having to limp back the rest of the way - this turned out to be a major disadvantage when we reached a patch of farmland where two bulls looked on us with disgust and more than just a hint of an evil glint in their eyes. Fortunately for us they couldn't be bothered to do anything - good job too, because with one man lame and a field full of bulls on the other side of the wall, who Rob had proceeded to wind up (safe in the false knowledge that the wall protected us), we had nowhere to run. For my last meal at the pub, I ate chicken breast cooked in a red wine sauce... very nice - followed by the now unavoidable sticky toffee pudding.

Wednesday 18th October
I was very nervous today. I had been told we were going up Jake's Rake - which sounded daunting enough... but with my overactive imagination going into hyperdrive... all attempts to disarm my state of panic just exacerbated my fears. As we trudged up the steep hill (twice crossing the river Ghyll), my brain was seriously trying to discourage me and I was losing heart rapidly. We crossed paths twice with some cadets. Now bearing in mind I have no military training and was scared stiff of falling off the mountain, I am especially proud of what happened next. Steve recommended Jake's Rake to the cadets as they supped on their coffee. We passed by them and headed for the Rake - 150ft of vertical climb - for the most part wedged between two walls of rock - but occasionally surfacing out with 500ft sheer drops to the left. We scaled it in about 15-20 minutes (I'm told I did very well - managing to do it practically all with no assistance and transferring my bodyweight onto my arms in some tight spots that required it - although I put that down to pure adrenaline). Where had the cadets gone? That's right... they'd chickened out like wusses and headed for Easy Gully - a relative stroll. Having reached the top of the mountain, we began to work our way back to the car... but not before trying another peak. I was yomping off ahead of the others because I was hearing girls voices and wanted to investigate the sound of these sirens that was coming to us across the mists. Alas we caught up with them as they were coming down from the next peak... with their boyfriends, but we exchanged pleasantries anyway - it pays to be polite! On the way down, Mike managed to yet again do in his foot... but the walk was almost at it's end and as we reached the car we tumbled in and set off from the mist covered mountains on a course that brought us back to our home in the lowlands. I sat on the left this time and managed to smile and wave at a few more fair maidens - who smiled back... what can I say? It passes the time!

Here endeth my chronicling of events in the Lake District 2006.

Off to the Lakes

Righto I'm off shortly for a brief sojourn in Millom and the Lake District.

I'm packed and ready to go and all the striding around I;ve been doing in the absence of a car, should stand me in good stead for the likes of Jake's Rake and whatever else Steve, Rob, Mike and myself attempt to scale!

You can see some of last year's escapades here. I'll try and bring back some fancy shots this time. Weather is looking good for October and we should be above the cloud on a couple of occasions if we are fortunate.

It'd be good to see some goodwill messages for when I return.

God bless you all in my absence.

Nick (Pictured below: Nick, Steve, Mike)

The Truth About Christianity and Politics

I heard a good one the other day:

A man dies and and ends up meeting St. Peter at the gates of heaven. As they walk together along the vast corridor leading to heaven itself... the man notices clocks on the wall and asks St. Peter what they relate to.

"Oh" says Peter "they are Lie clocks!"

The man looks bemused and asks Peter to explain...

Peter continues "The clocks record how much people lie - the further on in time from 12 noon the time shows... the greater the time on the clock. You see over there? That's Mother Teresa's clock... as you can see, it's only 5 past 12 so she only told a few lies. Over there is Abraham Lincoln... who at 5 to 1 has told a few more but isn't too bad."

The man, who was English on Earth is curious and so asks St. Peter where Tony Blair's clock is...

Peter solemnly replied "Tony Blair;'s clock? Oh yes, it's in Jesus' office... he uses it as a desk fan!"

It doesn't matter what you think of Tony Blair... that is fairly irrelevant to what my post is about. Although his political stance is at the very centre of what I am addressing.

In the modern world, it is very easy to label Christianity as a whole as being authoritarian right wing... especially as the leading politicians who appear to subscribe to it, are largely neo-conservatives.

I'm a Christian...

... I'm not neo-conservative.

My economic views are largely left wing and I am ever so slightly liberal according to the political compass. In fact it would appear I am diametrically opposed to Tony Blair, George W. Bush and the like. I get annoyed because people bang on about Blair being a Christian, but conveniently forget that he reads the Koran, wears a Hindu charm bracelet and has a new age spiritual advisor. In fact Tony Blair describes himself as an Anglo-catholic charismatic... which practically covers every base as far as Christian denominations are concerned. Whatever Blair believes, it is clear that he is keen to have a finger in every pie... so he can appeal to as many people with differing beliefs as possible. the question is, is that just canny politics... or is it spiritual prostitution? Whichever is true of him, I offer a stark warning: those who appear to try and stand for everything... are often the ones who inf act stand for nothing at all.

So what do I think about Christianity and politics?

Christianity is not about using political power and statutory authority to enforce belief among non-believers. Do I believe God is calling all of humanity to righteousness? Yes of course... but at the end of the day, every person has to choose salvation for themselves... you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink!

Of course I want EVERYONE to drink from the living waters found in Jesus Christ... but I am convinced they need to do that out of choice and not be politically levered into it.

I am very skeptical about people who go into party politics. Politics itself is a career path for people who desire power... and no matter how noble their intentions at starting out, no matter what they desired that power for... the old saying remains true - power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Does that mean I believe Christians should remain politically inactive and silent on issues that concern them? No, not at all. Some of the greatest forces for political change, were not politicians themselves: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, the suffragettes - just some examples of people who were not politicians... but who irrevocably changed the nature of politics in their lifetimes.

If you want to use politics to advance the Gospel message, then the best way is not to debate about morality... but to use your resources to benefit the poor and needy It says in James 1:27 that:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

How wonderful is that? People should not identify Christians primarily by their political stance... but by their love!

Take care of people's physical, emotional and psychological needs and sooner or later they will ask you why you do it. The reason why we do it is because we love them and God loves them and we want them to know it in every way.

Pest Control for the Soul

Things are starting to stir at church at the moment and it is quite exciting. We may be just a ragtag band of regulars, but there is a sense that God's promises - made so long ago... are back on the horizon.

In my earlier blog of two weeks ago, I mentioned that there was a sense of solidarity at the funeral for Lilly (incidentally, people are still coming to the church and laying flowers on her grave), and I have to wonder if this was merely a foretaste of things far off.

I used to pray for big things in timid ways, but I've been convicted of that recently. I should be a lot bolder and last week i decided to put this into practice. I trudged the 2.5 mile trek to church and prayed that God would feed us with his Spirit. I doubted not.

The service was immensely powerful... as we sang "Come, Now is the Time to Worship", a storm passed directly over the church and when the song finished there was an almighty clap of thunder... but that isn't the only thing I heard, I heard the word "COME!"

When you get an invitation from the Almighty, you don't mess about. Since that time, there has been an increase in prayer among people at church... and I personally have felt God's p[resence much more strongly. This is the time. I get the feeling that the dinner bells are ringing and the doors are opening. This is when the people of God have to come back and start eating the banquet... because they need to be ready for what is coming afterwards. Dare we hold back and remain in the playground any longer... letting the gracious meal provided for us go cold? Dare we?

Today's bible reading came from Joel 2:21-27:

"Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice. Surely the LORD has done great things. Be not afraid, O wild animals, for the open pastures are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches. Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm— my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the LORD your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed."

I've spoken before about how I believed God would do that for me personally, as well as the church generally. The autumnul rains have now both literally and metaphorically begun and God is raining down mercies upon me. Pest control is now firmly in place. My locusts are being severely culled and my personal harvest is being restored.

A scripture was laid on my heart all through Wednesday:

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all"

Now I want to point out here that I only consider myself righteous through the grace of God... there is nothing in myself that is deserving of having that title bestowed upon me. I want to put the emphasis on God here... because I've had that passage on my heart before... and I believe God was this time telling me that he is making good on that promise... and so I credit him and him alone with the glory.

I have decided that I am going to keep a financial record on this blog, once a month to illustrate to you... just one way, how this is going. I've always maintained an open door policy towards blogging. If something is going horribly wrong... I tell you... if however God is performing wonders... I tell you that too!

So here we go:

Current debt: £3,100+ interest
Current Status: 12 months to final payment @£310 a month.

The first payment comes out on November 2nd. You will receive an update then!

A Day of Atonement

Today is the Jewish festival of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement), and although I'm not jewish... today has seen an atonement of sorts for me personally.

No, I didn't fast for 25 hours or follow any of the practices of modern Judaism... and I certainly didn't have any bulls or goats sacrificed on my behalf in Jerusalem... for as a Christian, I believe that Jesus' death outside Jerusalem has paid for my sin... or as Matt Redman once put it - the cross has said it all!

Anyway, I digress. The atonement I speak of today is a financial one. Today, the last direct debit on my penultimate loan came out... and siezing the moment, I took the opportunity to alter my final outstanding loan. I will no longer have to wait 18 months to be free... by God's grace I have reduced the timescale down to a maximum of 12 months... and I have changed the nature of my loan, so that I can pay extra amounts if I choose to. Optimistically I could well get the heck out of Dodge by late summer next year!

Glory to God!

OK, so you could argue that I'm ahead of myself here... I'm not free yet, after all. However, to cite an example:

In the United States of America, Independence Day is celebrated on the 4th
July... but the historical fact is that independence had not been secured on
that day. The war did not end... and my people did not recognise
the Declaration of Independence until over 7 years later.

In the same way as America's founding fathers served notice on Britain, I have served notice to my own tyrants... though my enemies are not flesh and blood... but fiscal.

"No dictator, no invader can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power tyrants and dictators cannot stand. The Centauri learned that lesson once. We will teach it to them again. Though it take a thousand years, we will be free." - Citizen G'Kar (Babylon 5 Season 2: The Long Twilight Struggle)

Again I want to use this post as a rally cry to those struggling in sin, debt or any weakness. If I can be free, then any of you can be free... all of you can be free!

You don't have to write what your problem is here... but send me a comment with just your name in it... that can be YOUR signature in your own personal declaration of independence from whatever problems ail you. If your name goes in here... not only are you making your pledge to fight for yourself.... but you have my word that I will at the very least say a prayer for you.

If you want to be free of your chains then give them to Jesus, for this is why he came:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

If you don't feel in a position to do that then lay them here at this door and be assured that those who follow Christ and read this blog... will take up your cause with you. I fundamentally believe that whatever weighs you down today... be it guilt, sin, hurt, fear, illness, bitterness, loss, rejection, neglect, abuse... whatever it is... God would have you be free of it and I offer you the chance to cry out for that freedom here and now!

For freedom's sake write down your name.

God bless you... whatever you decide

N

And Then There Was One...

Up until yesterday, I was not the only Nick working for Retirement Security Limited. As our office is relatively small and employs under 20 staff... it can get confusing at times with emails, faxes, letters and name calls that are usually only addressed by Christian name. The amount of times I received requests to authorize major structural alterations that should have gone to Nick Young - our Property Director, was pretty high... I only signed a few of them off as ok, though! If anyone from work is reading that... don't worry I'm just kidding, I always forwarded them on!

Nick, sadly for us has decided to move onto pastures new. I shall miss the mayhem, and confusion we caused... as well as his immensely dry wit. He's a good bloke!

We had a leaving do after work at The One Elm pub in Guild Street... not only was it a chance to say goodbye, but it provided an excellent opportunity to scoutr out the Stratford-upon-Avon Friday night post work night life that I usually miss.

I shall have to sample this more often.

I loved the atmosphere of the pub. The older staff members felt that the music was too loud... but it was alright for me... they played a good mix of indie, alternative and other stuff both retro/classic and modern. The seating and room sizes were quite intimate and the decor was stylish. We were provided with some vol-au-vents that looked suspiciously like removed appendixes or other minor organs... but actually tasted gorgeously addictive.

I was jokingly accused of hitting on one of the barmaids on account of the fact I thanked her for removing the empties.

Just before leaving I had a few close encounters... it had become quite busy in the main area around the bar, but I needed the loo pretty bad so I chanced the crowds. On the way, I bumped into a young lady from a local firm of estate agents who I had been keen on in the Summer... which was a nice surprise. I had a brief conversation, but decided to get out of there when I realized my conversation style had started to evolve into gibberish.

When I finally got to the loo... I had a mild panic attack. I entered through the white door and found myself in a tight 3ft square white ante-room and had trouble locating which "wall" had the door into the main toilet.

On the way back I had to wait while an entire convoy of punters came past on their way to the back of the pub. I was reclining against a pillar to give them the space to move past, a girl reached out and gently grabbed my tummy as she went past... what was all that about?

Anyway, I got back to the others and headed out of the door bidding Nick farewell... when I return to work on Monday, I shall once more be the only Nick there... I just hope I don't start getting property alteration requests.

Peace for Lilly

Today marked the funeral of tiny baby Lilly: the little girl who was found in the river not far from my church.

I went.

I've never been to the funeral of any child before... let alone a child I've never had any direct contact with.

Nonetheless... I went any way.

I didn't go to gawp morbidly at the tiny white coffin... nor to jump on some sympathetic bandwagon. I went because at the core of my being I fundamentally believe that everyone has the right to have someone say goodbye when they pass away. Every individual counts.

Furthermore, I also believe in my heart of hearts the command that Jesus Christ gave us... to "love your neighbour as yourself". I would not wish to be left alone - unloved and forgotten, should my time come... so why should I leave another to the same fate?

"Love your neighbour as yourself".

Lilly was not afforded the kindness that stems from that commandment in life. Instead... either by accident or brutality, her collar bone and skull were fatally fractured shortly after birth and she was abandoned out of either fear, callousness or neglect in a section of river off the beaten track.

However... in death, the local community resolved to give her the respect and love that she had been robbed of in life.

Lilly had a Christian burial, paid for out of love by kindly locals. Her white coffin was tenderly carried in the gentle loving arms of a local undertaker. Flowers were laid, a headstone will be provided... and 100 mourners turned out to say a loving goodbye to a girl they never knew... I am so proud of the people around me on this day... today - for all their flaws... they got it right in the most amazing and powerful way.

A few moments will stay with me this day. Firstly, a young mother held her own child in her pew just 10 feet away from where Lilly's coffin lay. The contrasting image was not lost on me. Two children... two very different fates, life and death at so tender an age in such close proximity... it moved me.

Secondly, we were invited to pray over the coffin... all of us... to raise our hands and pray - to let God's love, light and peace flow out from within us as a gesture of farewell to the child.

Thirdly as the coffin was led out, several women reached out to touch it. I'm told this is not an unusual custom... but I've never seen it at any of the numerous funerals I have attended. The tactile sympathy shown towards this child warmed my heart.

Fourthly, the internment itself was supposed to be private... but nearly everyone stayed and watched from a distance... and paid some kind of personal respects when they found opportunity. This was only slightly marred by the press taking snapshots of the burial taking place... which sickened me.

What moved me most was the having sensation of the unseen mourner - God himself, all around me. I felt the Holy Spirit in that service... and their was a Spirit of unity among those gathered.

So rest in peace Lilly, you will not be forgotten... you will always be one of us.

A Cautious Launch

Welcome to Nick's Sanctuary.

I've launched this page as an experiment based on my frustrations with using the MSN Spaces Network. The space I have there (accessible from the sidebar), takes forever to load and I'm annoyed at the difficulty people have in posting replies or comments.

So here I am on blogger... lets see how it goes.

This blog doesn't have half the fancy images and widgets that other blogs do... I lack the expertise in that field to do anything flash (pun not intended).

However, I hope you find something of value here... as I gradually introduce you to my style of blogging (if you've visited Nick's Sanctuary already, you know what you are in for).

I guess if I could define this blog, it would be a lot like the Millennium Falcon, which in the words of Han Solo "may not look like much but she's got it where it counts."

So hold on tight this flight may be a bit rough!

Experiment Alpha

Mucking about with CSS